


Strangers like me

by FanFicReader01



Series: Strangerverse [1]
Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Alternate Universe, Domestic Fluff, Everyone is chill and cool, Happy Ending, Healing, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jaska is a good man, Jaska/Markus, Kids, M/M, Marko is a cool bro, Markus is a cool partner, Olli makes a quick apperance, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, dont read chap 22 if that triggers you bc it has some explicit word use in it!, jani and jari are kids, jaska is a cool dude and a good friend, kapu jaska and marko are kind adults who want the best for jani, kid jani deserved better, markus the great (storyteller), rip his childhood, sad beginning, the rest is okay i guess, traumatic childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-10-22 18:09:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 31,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10702353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanFicReader01/pseuds/FanFicReader01
Summary: I’m running and running. I wonder if I ever stopped running after it happened. A tragic moment in my life I simply dub as “the Accident”.





	1. Running (Jani)

**Author's Note:**

> Jani and Jari are both around 11-12

I’m running and running. I wonder if I ever stopped running after _it_ happened. A tragic moment in my life I simply dub as “the Accident”.

If I’m not running, than I’m at least walking. I have to keep moving. I don’t want to stand still. I simply can’t. It’s too dangerous. The police could find me and arrest me. Or worse, the _Monster_ could find me and drag me with him. I don’t want that to happen so I keep moving.

 

I run through empty streets and crowded streets. My tired and broken feet carry me through crowded cities and old, creepy and abandoned villages.

Angst rules my young and troubled mind.

I don’t know where to go and I have no real destination either. When night comes, I make sure I’m off the streets and hidden somewhere. Because around night time the Monster normally comes. Around night time other monsters appear as well sometimes and then I have to hide again. Most of the time

 I fail.

Life on the street isn’t that different from my time in the House. Well, at least _the_ Monster isn’t here, but other bad people are and I can’t trust anyone.

I don’t trust the fancy clothed woman who gives me a pitied smile. I can’t trust the friendly baker who offers me a slice of old bread. The youngsters at the corner of the street provoke me but I won’t let them have their way. I ignore them, walk pass them. Pretend I didn’t see them.

The neat men in the suits aren’t trustworthy at all. And the cops are a big no-no too.

Luckily there’s that difference from the House again. In the big world there are plenty places to hide and not to be found. As long as I find these places and as long as I keep changing places, I’m safe.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx------------------

 

But everyone has their limits. Even youthful twelve year olds like me.

After weeks or maybe even months of running, sleeping, hardly eating and drinking and then running again, I reach my limits. My arms weigh heavy. My back aches and my feet bleed. When I fall into a puddle of water, I examine my reflection. I wish I could say I looked better back in the days, but I didn’t. I’ve always looked exhausted and tired of life.

I may be energetic, but not in the good way. I’m always on edge. Always alerted and ready to flee. It’s the only life I know.

So when I see how my face has become even paler than usual, I’m not that surprised. Instead I sheepishly laugh at myself. I can’t control the trembling of my hands. I lost the feeling in my feet as well. Only my legs feel just as heavy as my arms. When my bony fingers dig into my sides, I clearly feel my ribs. It makes me puke.

For the first time I take in my surroundings. I’m in the forest. A big and green forest that is. There seems to be no end. Part of me is scared of the forest. The other part is glad I don’t have to face humans.

The animals in the woods are less scary than the monsters in the houses. I’m also sure the Monster can’t find me here. if I climb into a tree he certainly can’t reach me, that bastard.

 My knees shake heavily when I crawl up. With my last strength I keep walking again. I can’t stop.

There’s something that keeps me going today. I can’t put my finger on it, but I keep walking in one direction. It almost feels determined.

When I further my distance from where I passed out, I start to smell something. Something sweet.

It can’t be food, can it? This is a forest, there’s no pastry in the forest. But the smell is pungent. It’s like torture to all my senses. I long so much for a proper meal.

And so my body magically regains its strength. My feet carry me to that place. I don’t know what I’ll find there, but it’s worth the try. It’s been almost a week since I had a slice of bread. Darn thing was rotten too.

It almost feels like I’m flying. Blindly I _run_ where my nose leads me. Before I know it I’m out of the forest and I’m falling of a steep hill. Once again, I’m surprised I survived this many falls without breaking anything at all.

I lay still for a moment when I reach the grassy bottom of the hill. My stomach makes crying noises and my eyes dare to open again. In the distance I spot a house. It’s a big house. A huge house. If I’m able to spot the building from here already, it must be huge.

Desperately I try to walk toward the house but my ankle is sprained so I have to crouch. At least I got my arms to drag me over the grass.

 

After which feels like an eternity of crouching, crying and sniveling, I finally reach my temporary goal.

In front of me there’s an enormous garden. Did I reach a palace? In awe I manage to crawl up and limp closer. Because I’m fully focused on the beautiful garden and the big house, I’m unaware of the iron fence. I walk straight into it and fall back on my butt. I curse some of the words the Monster always uses on me and others. Then I curse again, because I don’t want to sound like the Monster.

The fence has some barbed wire and it has cut my knees. They’re bleeding. The sight of it makes me dizzy. My head hits the ground and I stare aimlessly to the clear blue sky. I want to reach out for it but I’m too tired.

 Silently I weep as I close my eyes.

Maybe this is my real end. I wonder if someone will ever find me. They don’t have to, though. I’m replaceable, I’m trash and filth.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx------------------x----------x

‘Hello? Mister? Hello?’, a kind voice wakes me up from dark and gloomy thoughts. The voice sounds so innocent and sweet. Too kind for this world. I blink with my eyes. I manage to sit up and on the other side of the fence there’s another kid sitting.

Unlike me, the kid has a healthy looking appearance. He wears his brown hair long. He looks adorable, I think. He sports a brown shirt with dark jeans. It looks expensive and very clean. The chic glasses match his shirt. It makes me very conscious about my looks. I have a ragged, grey shirt. Sleeves are torn. The pants are dusty and filthy with mud and even blood. My own blood.

 ‘Hey’, I manage to say. Only now do I notice how hoarse my voice sounds. It feels like an old man is speaking and not a kid of twelve. I probably look older too.

 ‘A- Are you hurt? You look hurt’, the other kid exclaims worried.

I bare my teeth which should resemble a smile. ‘Kind of. What about you?’, I try to show my interest but in reality I want to know where the source of the sweet smell comes from.

 ‘I’m fine. Could you come closer? I wanna take a look at you’, the stranger asks. I painfully nod and move closer until I almost hit the fence again.

 ‘Dear lordy! Your knees are bleeding! And you look so pale!’, the kid shouts, almost frightened.

Now I expect him to run away from me as far as possible. But he doesn’t. He keeps sitting at the other side of the fence. Eventually he stands up and declares: ‘I’m going to get some help.’

 ‘NO!’, I yell, startling the other boy.

‘Wh- why not? You’re hurt!’, he stammers. ‘I-, I know. But I don’t want adults to find me. They are bad. Especially the monsters.’

 ‘Monsters are real?’, the boy’s face goes pale for he is horrified.

‘Don’t worry. I don’t think they’ll come for you. You don’t look weak like me’, I start to cough up some blood.

 ‘Okay then. Then I’ll just take stuff from my mom’s medicine’s closet!’, the stranger now smiles a warm smile. It makes me smile for the first time since forever. I wonder when was the last time I genuinely smiled for someone? Maybe never.

When the boy disappears from my vision, I faint.

 

Once again I wake up to his voice.

‘Hey! Psst! Stranger!’, he hisses. I sit up and see the other boy standing against the fence. He puts his hand through it and now I see he holds a small, red box in it. Carefully I take it in my hands.

‘It’s first aid. Got some bandages and disinfectant in it’, the kid explains. I smile again as I face the stranger.

 ‘You’re too kind for me’, I state as I open the box. Clumsily it put some of the disinfectant on my knees. It itches but I don’t cry nor yell. I don’t want to look weaker than I already am in the eyes of the other boy. Instead I hiss silently. Afterwards I put some bandages on my bruised knees.

Now that I’m closer to the fence, the sweet smell fills my nostrils again. My stomach cries again and the boy hears it.

 ‘You hungry?’, he asks me.

‘Yes. I’m starving’, it’s not an understatement. He points at my elbow. It’s blemished too. Like most parts of my body, probably. I don’t dare to look underneath my clothes. Maybe my skin will fall off if I do. ‘You’re still hurt here and there’, the kid states the obvious but I’m somehow happy about his concerns.

 ‘I know’, I reply. Then the kid distances himself from me and the fence.

‘I’m going to get you some food while you can still attend to your wounds if that’s okay?’

 ‘Yes, please!’, I yell excited. The other kid giggles and wants to know one more think. What I want.

‘Anything that’s edible!’, I exclaim. It’s true. I don’t care if it’s vegetables or canned food. I bet someone who lives in a house like this and someone who has a garden like this, surely has mouthwatering food as well.

 

It takes the other kid some minutes again to come back but this time I don’t faint when he’s gone.

When he returns, I launch myself against the fence again, forgetting about the barbed wire. Luckily I don’t cut myself this time.

The other boy laughs when he sees me. He then offers me a new box. The thing is too big to pass through the fence so he opens it first. I literally start to drool when I see him revealing what’s inside.

Cupcakes. Eagerly I reach out and almost snatch the food from the other boy.

Hungrily I attack the food and try to push as much of it in my mouth. I almost choke but I don’t mind.

What counts, is that my stomach gets filled.

But I start to gag and throw up half of the cupcake.

 ‘Don’t push yourself! Here, have another one. But please, take it slowly this time around’, the other kid warns me as he gives me another cupcake.

When I take my time eating, savoring the sweet bliss in my mouth, I start to sob uncontrollably.

 ‘Lordy, what’s going on?’, the kid sounds really worried. I wonder if he would hug me if he had the chance.

 ‘It- it’s just… no one ever cared a- about m- me before. N- no one treated me t- this nicely’, my reply comes in stutters.

 ‘Hey, please. Don’t cry. It will be alright’, the other kid reassures me and I wish that were true. But after I’ll regain my strength, he will probably forget me again. Well, I’m not planning to stay anyway so he won’t have to be concerned about me ever again.

 ‘Come here?’, the boy hesitates and then I realize he wants a name.

‘Jani’, I whimper. ‘Jani S-, never mind.’

 ‘Jani? Just… Jani?’, the kid wonders and I nod at him while eating the last crumbs of my cupcake.

‘Oh, okay. You can call me Jari. Jari Salminen. Please, come closer’, the other boy says.

I shake and shift so I’m closer to the fence. He holds out his hand. There’s no cupcake in it but I want to hold his hand anyway. Jari feels warm and there’s a positivity around him I never deemed possible to find in a human being.

 He gently squeezes my cold hand.

‘It’s okay, Jani. Everything is going to be okay’, he whispers and I cry again. Salty tears wash away some filth on my cheeks, but I feel like I’ve become one with the dirt.

 Then I hear a voice in the distance. My face goes paler than it already is. It’s a deep male voice.

Jari notices my stiff pose and squeezes in my hand again to bring me back to the real world.

 ‘Hey, Jani. It’s okay. It’s my dad but I can’t be seen with strangers. I’m sorry. I’ll have to go.’

‘Please, d- don’t leave me alone!’, I beg him, even more tears rolling down my face. Jari’s face looks hurt. He clearly doesn’t want to leave me.

 ‘Don’t worry. Could you hide in the forest again? Or stay here for a bit longer. I’ll return tonight with some blankets for you. I promise!’, Jari hushes.

He asks me to do a pinky swear. I really want to trust the other boy. He has returned two times today already so I do it. We hook our pinkies in each other and then he lets go.

He quickly waves me goodbye and I wave back until he’s out of my sight. I stare at my feet and see he still left me some cupcakes on the ground. I quickly gather them and eat them. Now I’ll only have to wait for him. I can do this. For the first time, I feel hope.


	2. Night visit (Jari)

I’m having dinner with my family. The whole time I think about the other boy at the other side of the fence. He looked starved and sick and so sad. It pained me to see him like that.

 

It also made me realize that poverty in this world exists and that I’m lucky to live in a mansion like this.

What I really wanted, was to shelter him in my house immediately: give him some fresh clothes, maybe wash him first and then eat and talk and just have fun together. Like normal kids our age.

But I know my dad and my mom won’t allow it. They, especially my father, aren’t very fond of “street rats”. I wonder if Jani really is a “street rat” or he just has a very bad taste in clothing himself. Well, even if he is, I still like the other guy. I think you shouldn’t judge someone from what they have or may not have.

 

So during my dinner, I secretly smuggle some of my food in a bag on my lap. Hopefully no one sees it. After I accidentally “drop” some potatoes, I go underneath the table to look for them. When I reach the surface again, two blue eyes look into mine. It’s our butler. I start to blush and he simply smiles and winks at me, pressing one index finger against his lips. Does he know what I’m planning to do?

Whatever it will be in his eyes, he decides to not tell my mom or dad.

I can’t wait to give Jani the food. I’ll try to look for another snack as well when I get to the kitchen.

Dinner finally ends and I jump up. I quickly turn around and walk to the kitchen. I say a bad word when I see one of our maids cleaning the place already.

When she spots me, she gives me a smile and asks me if I need anything.

‘I’d like a dessert’, I say and give her my best puppy eyed face. She sighs and from the look on her face I understand I failed.

 ‘You know what your parents say. No snacks during school days and-’

‘And only on Saturday’, I finish her sentence as I roll with my eyes. With some hope left, I stare at the fridge behind the maid. She shakes her head and takes up her broom again.

 ‘I’m sorry, master Salminen but I can’t allow it’, the maid doesn’t look me in the eyes and continues cleaning.

I sigh as I turn around to leave but then I bump into the tall butler.

‘Where you trying to seduce this young lady to give you a snack?’, the dark haired man grins.

‘I-, I, eh… Jaska!’, I stammer. I quickly press a hand on my mouth. Normally we don’t address our staff members by their names. When Jaska and I are alone though, I can call him by his real name.

Just like me, my butler doesn’t like the whole formal codes.

My butler pats me on my head and chuckles: ‘It’s alright, Miss, would you please leave the boy and I alone for a second? I need to discuss something with him.’

The maid’s face reddens, she quickly bows and leaves us alone.

When she is gone, the butler faces me again and I awkwardly stare at my feet, my hands firmly pressed against my belly.

 ‘Why are you hiding food in a bag underneath your shirt?’, he is straight to the point. I don’t really want to tell Jaska, but he already kept it a secret during dinner so I guess I can trust him. In fact, he is the only one I tell my secrets to. He knows things even my parents don’t know about me.

I sigh and tell him about the boy I met. His eyes widen in surprise and then he starts to laugh.

‘That’s not something to joke about, Ja- I mean, mister Mäkinen!’, I correct myself.

‘I’m not laughing about him or the situation he’s in. I’m just laughing because you’re so kind. You’re a sweet kid, Jari. I’m proud of you’, my butler pats me on the shoulder now.

 ‘Y’know what? You deserve a snack but don’t tell your parents!’, the tall man winks as he goes to the fridge to get me a snack.

 ‘It, it’s not for me, really. It’s for that boy. For Jani’, I snort.

‘Oh, okay! Anyway, I’ll get you something!’, Jaska is searching through the fridge and ends up with a slice of custard pie. He is about to give it to me when I hear my dad walk in.

Without thinking twice, I pull the bag of food underneath my shirt and give it to Jaska. The butler immediately understands and tries to act normal with me.

 ‘Jari? Shouldn’t you be in your room already?’ my father gives me a piercing look and I lower my head in response.

 ‘I’m sorry, dad’, I mutter. ‘Good night, mister Mäkinen’, I say when I look for the butler’s eyes. He gives me a very subtle look. It’s a look only the two of us understand. His lips slightly move too: _Tonight._

I grin and give the butler an indirect nod back before leaving the kitchen.

 ‘Oh? I’m just taking out the trash’, I hear Jaska say before I’m out of the room completely.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x  


‘Psst! Psst, Jari! Jari, wake up!’, a familiar voice is heard. I grunt and turn around but I feel a strong hand pulling my shoulder.

 ‘It’s me. Jaska. Everyone’s asleep now’, the voice says in a low voice.

Why is my butler here? Why did he wake me up? My sleepy head is trying to understand it. As soon as the faint smell of food gets in my nose, I remember. I quickly sit up. My head bumps into my butler’s nose in the process and I immediately apologize: ‘Dear Lordy! Jaska! I’m so sorry!’

The man chuckles and brushes over his nose. ‘It’s alright, kid. I’m only bleeding a lot now!’

 ‘Really! Gosh, should we get a doctor?’, I try to see in the dark but my eyes still need some time.

The butler is heard laughing: ‘I’m just kidding, Jari. Nothing bad happened. Now, let’s get you dressed and then we can go outside.’

He wraps me in his large, leather jacket. I’m surprise I didn’t drown in it already. It feels warm, though.

After my eyes can see in the dark, I crawl out of bed and start to look hysterically in my closet.

 ‘What’s up?’

‘I need some blankets for Jani. Fu-, Lordy, it’s on the highest shelf’, I try my best not to curse. My butler grins and comments: ‘Where did you learn those unmannered words?’

I roll my eyes and poke the man’s chest: ‘From you, silly!’ Jaska cackles and then helps me take out some blankets and hands them over.

‘Can you carry me, please?’, I give him the puppy eyes and my butler simply can’t resist. He laughs and picks me up and places me on his broad shoulders.

He walks me downstairs and into the garden When we’re in the garden, Jaska keeps his distance. He puts me down and gives me the bag of food.

 ‘I’ll be waiting for you. If something goes wrong, you call me, okay?’, he wants to be sure.

I nod. ‘Understood, thanks.’

As I walk away, the butler adds: ‘I’ll give you a sign too if I get a glimpse of your parents!’

I give him a thumbs up and start to walk faster. I have some trouble finding my way in total darkness but I couldn’t allow myself to bring a flashlight with me: it would give away my position.

 

‘Jani? Are you still here? Jani?!’, I start with a whisper but quickly I raise my voice. When the other boy doesn’t respond, I start to worry. He couldn’t be…

I hear a grunt and my heart skips a beat. He’s alive! I crawl closer to the fence. The other boy is seen lying on the ground. When my eyes are used to the dark, I notice he just woke up.

 ‘As promised, I brought you blankets. And some food and water’, I whisper.

The other kid looks happy to see me. ‘You can’t put those blankets through these little holes’, he remarks sadly.

I hiss and try to look around for a convenient gap in the fence. There’s a small one on my left. I duck and start to tug at the wire. I flinch when I feel the iron cut one hand. It doesn’t stop me from pulling, though. I can clean myself up after I’m done here. I also dig up some earth so there’s a small pit.

 What’s important now, is that Jani gets the warm blankets and the food.

‘Here you go’, I say with a soft voice. With some effort I push the blankets underneath the fence and on the other side Jani pulls at it.

He is weak but he manages. After he has covered his shaking body in the soft blankets, I’ll pass through the potatoes, the chopped carrots and a part of the beef. Then I hand over the custard pie.

 ‘So much, Jari! Thank you! T- thank you!’, I hear the other boy snivel.

‘You don’t have to cry. It’s okay, remember? Could you sleep comfortably?’, I want to know.

 ‘B- better than on the stones. To b- be honest, I-, I’ve had worse’, Jani mutters in reply. He gobbles up some potatoes before facing me again.

‘I’m glad you came back’, he says silently. ‘It’s less cold now. Thank you again.’

 ‘You’re welcome. I wished I could take you home with me. But I’m afraid that will only have negative consequences for you. I hope you understand. I really wished it were different. But for now, I’ll try my best to make it as comfortable as possible for you.’

 Jani looks understandingly.

‘Oh, okay. As long as you visit me tomorrow, please.’ The way “please” comes out of his mouth, makes my young heart crack a little.

 ‘Jani, come here’, I ask him to put his hand underneath the fence. Hesitatingly he does so. He slightly flinches when we touch. He still feels cold.

My hand keeps holding Jani’s and I squeeze gently. It’s my way of saying everything will be okay without saying anything.

 ‘I promise I’ll be here tomorrow. But I have school also. Don’t worry. I know someone who can bring you some food instead.’

‘S- someone else?’, Jani pulls back and looks frightened.

‘Yes. He’s a good friend of mine. He is in fact my butler. You can call him Jaska if you want.’

‘So he is an adult?’, there’s distaste in Jani’ voice when he pronounces the word.

 ‘Yes. But Jaska is a good guy. He is the only adult in this world who seems to understand me’, I explain reassuringly. ‘You don’t have to be afraid of him. He might be a big guy, but he has a heart of gold.’

‘Like you’, Jani replies without missing a beat. I spot a hint of red on the other boy’s cheeks.

I laugh and smile: ‘Now I gotta go. Although my dad’s sleeping, he might wake up. He does that often.’

Again, there’s horror and disgust in the other kid’s eyes.

 ‘Is he bad to you? Is he the leader of the house?’, Jani grunts.

‘Well, kind of. But he is okay though. He is just… strict. He is not a bad guy, Jani’, I counter. ‘I wished we could talk some more. About you, about me and my parents. But I really have to go now!’

Jani falls back and mutters an “okay”.

‘But will I see you tomorrow?’, he crouches back.

  ‘After school.’

‘Pinky promise?’

‘Pinky promise, Jani. I’ll be back.’


	3. Breakfast (Jani)

The following morning I’m scared because it’s not Jari who I’m going to see but an adult. A _male_ adult. I wonder if he looks like the Monster from my dreams, from my nightmares.

So I decide to hide instead of facing the stranger immediately. I lay flat in the high grass and put some blankets over me too.

I’m still hungry even though I ate the custard pie in the early morning already. I wonder if my stomach will ever catch up to the many times I didn’t eat at all.

My heart starts to beat faster when I hear someone or something approach. I clench onto the grass and the blankets. The thing I want to do most now, is run. Run away as far as possible. And as fast as my legs can carry me. But instead, I simply wait. I trust Jari. He’s the only person at the moment I can trust and if he tells me that male is trustworthy, he is.

The stranger finally appears in my field of vision. He is indeed tall and intimidating. I want to run.

Instead, I crawl a bit back but he spots me already. Of course, those blankets give it away. Stupid me. There’s nowhere to hide anymore.

The man stands still at the fence and drops a bag. Presumably the food. Still, I’m cautious when it comes to adults. Especially men.

 

‘You must be Jani. Jari told me about you. My name is Jaska’, the man finally speaks up and I uncover my face by throwing the blanket behind me. I still don’t move yet. Suspiciously I look in the stranger’s eyes. They are blue like mine. They’re surprisingly warm and kind. He smiles and kneels down.

 _Be careful, Jani. He might pretend to be friendly but in reality he only wants to hurt you_.

The voice in my mind warns me about Jaska but I really want to trust Jari.

 ‘Jari saved you some breakfast. I’m here to deliver it’, the butler declares. He wears a black suit which looks really expensive. Expensive or not, the man still kneels down and I see dirt getting on his fancy pants.

 Men in suits aren’t trustworthy: I keep telling myself this for a long time now.

But there’s something special about Jaska. Maybe this butler can change my view on men. Maybe Jari is right after all.

Yet, I feel that little voice in the back of my head shouting at me. _This man just manipulated the poor boy._

 ‘Are you afraid of me?’, the tall butler guesses. My face turns a bright red as I shake my head.

‘A little bit. But Jari told me you are a good guy. So I want to believe him’, I state.

 ‘Well, you really don’t have to be afraid of me, Jani but I guess I understand where you’re coming from. Anyway, I have no means in harming you or anybody for that matter. I wouldn’t even hurt a fly!’, the butler tries to look reassuringly and he actually succeeds. My nerves start to calm down.

 ‘Maybe I _would_ hurt a fly, though. Those things are vermin to the world’, the man jokingly adds. I don’t know if I should laugh or not. But the positive me finally comes out and I express an awkward giggle.

 ‘Here you go’, the man puts some food out of the bag and shoves it underneath the fence. It’s all on a plate and I lick my lips at the sight. There are two croissants, a thick slice of cheese, some strawberry confiture and an egg on the white plate. When I’ve placed it next to me, the big guy passes me a bottle of water and a bottle of orange juice.

 I quickly open the water bottle and take a swig. My lips are still bruised and swollen from the fall.

Afterwards, I take a bite from my croissant which I dipped into the confiture. While I chew, I give Jari’s butler a glance.

 ‘You stayinfg?’, I mutter. The butler stands up and says: ‘If you don’t mind? I still need that plate.’

Annoyed and agitated, I roll my eyes. I don’t like it when people look at me while I’m eating. I don’t like people looking at me at all.

I hope he hasn’t see me roll my eyes but the butler has. He sighs: ‘I’m sorry. You should get your privacy. I’ll be off now. I’ll come back over a few minutes, okay?’

 Absently I nod when I put new bread and cheese in my mouth. While I see him increasing our distance, I change my mind. As long as there’s a fence between us, I might enjoy his company. It’s not that Jari returns soon from his school anyway.

 

‘Wait!’, I shout and the butler turns around. He raises an eyebrow and grins: ‘Want me to stay, huh?’

‘I just need answers’, I grunt after taking another swig from my bottle.

 ‘Oh, okay!’, the man replies. Honestly, I don’t really know what I could ask him. To win some time, I demand him to sit down. He obeys. Whoa, an adult taking orders from a kid!

 ‘Whatever you want to know, Jani. But first, want to hear a random fact about me?’

‘A… random fact?’

 ‘Yeah, y’know. A fact that is completely irrelevant.’ I shrug my shoulders. Why not, that way I have more time to come up with a good question.

‘Every day, I wear different socks. On each foot different material sometimes, always a different color’, the butler looks very serious.

 ‘You mean it? Just why?’, I exclaim. Now I’m sure of it: all adults are weird. Even the kinder ones.

‘To piss off the head of the house and his wife. They don’t like that but Jari loves it. So I do that for him.’

My stomach unwillingly turns when he mentions Jari’s father. I know the boy told me he is a good man, but still.

 ‘Doesn’t he punish you for that?’

‘Not really. He just gives me a frowning look. He’s a good man though he’s only a little _too_ strict for his son. Oh well, not everyone’s perfect, right? But I guess you know everything about it’, the butler’s face turns into a pitying expression. I don’t want to have his pity. I don’t need it.

When I dare to meet the man’s eyes, I see a genuine expression like he really means it.

‘Yeah’, I manage to say as I stare at my now empty plate. ‘I-, I hate people and-, I clench my fist.

‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. That’s okay. Hm, maybe we could talk about something fun instead?’, the man suggests.

‘F- fine by me. I don’t want to think about my past right now’, I agree. It must’ve been the first time I actually agreed with an adult.

 

 x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x  


I’m allowed to call him Jaska and I’m finally okay with him calling me by my name.

Most of the time it’s Jaska who speaks and I don’t mind. There’s nothing funny to tell about my earlier life or my current life for that matter so I just listen to him instead.

The guy tells me some interesting facts about this big house and the people who live and work in it. He talks about their strict learning schedule and how Jari actually is home but he has home teaching. Jaska says the boy really wants to attend a “normal” school but he isn’t allowed.

Then Jaska goes on about the strict living style and how it affects the young boy.

I admire the butler’s attempts to brighten up Jari’s life. Instead of saying it out loud, I just stare in awe at the tall man as he talks about the funny shenanigans he and Jari have had in the past. Their wild adventures really make me laugh out loud. Looks like I finally get the hang of laughing properly without being awkward.

 ‘You’re a really good friend’, I dare to comment.

‘Well thank you! I’m sorry we can’t do much for you, though. Jari and I really wish it could be different. I assume you don’t want other people involved, right? Like the cops or something?’

 The word gets me triggered. I get a negative flashback from one of my confrontations with the police.

Without realizing it, I kind of space out.

‘Those filthy blue cocksuckers deserve to die in hell’, I hiss through my teeth as I blankly stare into nothingness.

When I get back to my senses, I blink a few times with my eyes and face Jaska. He looks concerned. I break down in tears. He probably thinks I’m a freak now.

 The man jumps up and comes closer to the fence.

‘Oi, don’t cry! Oh god, I’m sorry! Did I say something wrong?’, Jaska stutters helplessly.

‘I, - I j- just pro- promised myself no- not t- to curse a- anymore’, I snivel. Not to use _his_ words again.

 ‘It’s alright, Jani. Everyone curses once in a while! Nothing to be ashamed of.’

Jaska doesn’t understand me. No one does.

 

 ‘Th- that’s not it’, I breathe steadily again. I wipe away some tears and see how my hands get smeared with filth. ‘I just got a very bad memory when you mentioned the cops.’

The last word comes out as if it were a curse word too.

 ‘I’m sorry. Really, I am. Here?’, Jaska gestures as he sticks his hand through the fence. My heart starts to beat faster.

But I walk towards the wire anyway and eventually place my small hand into his big hand. He only holds his hand open, he doesn’t grip my hand. I like that.

Experimentally I trace my fingers over his palm and then over each of his digits individually. Just like Jari, he has warm hands. It’s almost like I feel his kindness flow through it. That’s when I decide to grab his hand firmly.

 ‘You’re okay. You don’t have to be ashamed’, Jaska’s warmth gets reflected in his smile.

I smile back. A grim thought pops up in the my head again. If he knew what I’ve done, he wouldn’t say that.

When he carefully presses my hand, the gloomy thought gets driven away and I feel myself getting lightheaded in a good way. Once again, I smile back.

 

As soon as Jari gets back, I’ll have to thank him for showing me not all adults are bad.


	4. Friends (Jari)

When I’m done with home school, I ask my butler for some help.

‘The attic? You know shit’s dusty there, right?’, he looks doubtful. I nod and counter: ‘It’s better than nothing. I think he’ll like it. Besides we can dust the mattress outside and my parents won’t even know they’ll miss an old thing like that.’

 Jaska agrees and helps me get the mattress from the large attic.

‘Whoa, we could built a whole new living room with this!’, I exclaim surprised. I knew my parents dumped a lot of old stuff here but I never thought this was basically the interior of a second small house. We find what we need and sneak back to the garden. Luckily my father is doing endless paperwork and my mother is at work too.

When one of the maids give us a questioning look, Jaska gives her a meaningful look and she decides to tend to her own business.

 

In the garden, Jaska hands me a carpet beater. The lessons today were quite frustrating, so now I can let it all out on the poor mattress. Both of us cough when a whole cloud of dust gets out of the darn thing from the first hit. A few beatings later, I get tired.

 ‘Here’, I give my butler the beater and he finishes the rest. I’m always amazed by his strength.

‘Thanks, let’s give it to Jani’, I say. Together we reach the fence and Jani is sleeping.

Every time I see his skinny body, it hurts me.

 ‘Jani! Jani, wake up! I’m back’, I shout. The boy turns around and carefully opens his eyes. When he notices Jaska and me, he jumps up and gets in a defensive pose. As soon as he sees it’s us, his stiff posture relaxes.

 ‘You brought a mattress with you?’, he looks surprised and I grin.

‘I’m sorry if it’s dusty, got it from my attic. My parents won’t miss it’, I inform him. Jaska nods. ‘Here it comes!’, he warns when he throws the thing over the high fence.

 ‘You’re strong!’, the other boy exclaims as he dodges the object. With a thud it falls on the grass.

Jani says he doesn’t mind the mattress being dusty and old. ‘Better than the floor anyway.’

 ‘I’m going to get the rest’, Jaska declares with a nod.

‘He’s going to get you a better, thicker blanket. I’ll provide you with water and food every day’, I explain.

Jani silently nods.

 ‘I’m sorry you have to look after me. I don’t wanna be a burden’, the boy lowers his head as if ashamed.

‘You don’t have to feel guilty. As I said earlier, I wish I could take you home with me. Maybe I can see if we got a tent or something for you?’

 ‘You don’t have to. I’m used sleeping in the open air’, Jani mutters but I insist on giving him a better shelter.

 

‘Jaska told me about your school. How you want to be with other kids your age instead of alone’, the boy starts a new subject. I nod.

‘Yeah, it isn’t fun without other kids. Only an old hag and an old dude teach me stuff. They’re always so strict’, I snort. I stand up and start to imitate my teachers.

 ‘Always wear your tie! No unbuttoned buttons! Always wear a white shirt. Don’t play in the garden otherwise your clothes get dirty. Even when it’s hot outside, you have to wear your blazer!’

 My imitations are quite on point if I say so myself. It gets Jani laughing out loud. He has a strange laugh but I like it to see him actually laugh.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx------------------x----------x

 

A week has passed by already and Jani changed my life in a good way. I finally get some excitement out of my otherwise dull life. And in “return”, I’m glad to make the other kid’s life more bearable too.

Jaska had bought a small tent from his spare money. I attributed too with my “secret” money. My parents didn’t have to know I bought something for a “street rat”.

Thanks to Jani, I changed my schedule.

 

First I wake up, I have breakfast and smuggle some of it in a bag which I give to Jaska when we pass each other in the kitchen. The butler gives the food to Jani while I start my daily routines.

During my classes, I think about enhancing the other kid’s life with subtle gestures. After school, I quickly make my homework and then I go to the garden. Sometimes Jaska accompanies me but I notice   

   how Jani seems to be more at ease when he is not around.

I still have to figure out what happened to the other kid that makes him hate grown men. It must’ve been something horrible I cannot fathom.

   When we’re together at the fence, we talk. He likes to ask me about school and my daily life.

He also wants to know about my holidays and all the places I’ve been to during those holidays. And so I talk and talk and I’m so glad to have another person who actually listens to what I tell.

Beside Jani, Jaska is the only one who likes to listen to my stories. Which makes me jump to the next conclusion: Jani and Jaska are my only friends.

So during the weekend I want Jani to know that. It’s Saturday morning when I confront him.

 

While Jani is enjoying his breakfast, I sit at the other side of the fence, waiting for the right opportunity to tell him. Although it’s just a simply friend confession, I’m still nervous. I wonder how the other boy will react to it. Will he even consider me as a friend? Probably, but I’m still not sure.

I see he has finished his meal so I stand up and ask him to come closer.

 ‘Thanks for the meal again. Every breakfast tastes different even though it’s almost every day the same meal’, Jani outs his gratitude and I simply smile at him.

 ‘I want to tell you something’, I start and the other boy’s eyes look in mine intensely. I gulp.

My hands get on the fence. Now I stare at Jani’s feet so I don’t have to make eye contact.

 ‘W- what is it?’, he sounds alerted.

‘I just want to tell you that you’ve become a very good friend of mine. Until now, I only had Jaska as a friend. That’s it. I just wanted you to know you’re really dear to me and if something were to happen to you, I wouldn’t know what to do’, I manage to say without stuttering. It leaves Jani flabbergasted.

 I can read his face. It says he has never been called a friend.

‘Oh… Th- thank you’, he mutters. He then takes his hands to the fence as well. His fingers carefully brush mine.

 ‘I-, I… You’re my best friend too. M- My first friend to be exactly’, Jani adds with a blush on his cheeks. He looks cute and I start to redden as well. Tears form in the corners in his eyes. Tears of joy, I assume.

Carefully I get one hand through the fence and I wipe away a tear from his cheek. His skin feels rough.

I get some dirt on my fingers but I don’t mind.

‘You know, I would be very sad too when something would happen to you!’, Jani says after he dried his tears.

 ‘Don’t worry. We’ll look after each other, alright?’, I say.

My new friend nods heavily and replies: ‘Okay. You look after me and I look after you. I will protect you. That’s a promise.’

 ‘Pinky promise’, I grin.


	5. Hope for a better life (Jani)

In the second week, Jari brings me new clothes. He calls for me and I crouch out of the tent.

I look at the plastic bag in his hands. He smiles and I give him a smile back.

 ‘What you got there?’, I ask curiously.

‘Got you some clothes. Sorry I didn’t think about it earlier’, Jari grins as he passes the bag through the pit.

When I look inside I see the clothes must be from him. I look for his eyes and stammer: ‘Are you serious? These are _yours_.’

 ‘But you can have them.’

‘They’ll get dirty anyway. Maybe torn too. I’m still living partly in the forest, y’know?’ I exclaim. Jari ignores it and huffs: ‘You deserve it. I have plenty of clothes. No need to feel sorry.’

 ‘I owe you so much’, I mutter. I don’t know if I can ever pay him back. A twisted idea reaches my mind again but I push it away.

 ‘You don’t owe me anything. I do this because I want to. Friends don’t have to owe each other stuff’, Jari replies.

 ‘Thank you, thank you’, I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve thanked the other boy.

The boy with the glasses keeps staring at me. ‘Are you going to try it on?’, he asks. I gulp.

 ‘Okay. I’ll do it in my tent’, I say. I don’t want him to see my body. It’s too thin, even though I finally got decent food the last couple of days. My body is scarred, thin and downright ugly. I don’t want to make him feel disgusted. I don’t want to scare Jari with this sinful body.’

 First, Jari wonders why I don’t want to change in front of him but then he respects my choice.

My knees and elbows are bony. My whole skin looks sickly grey and pale. I almost have to puke when I see my own ribs. It’s been a long time since I undressed. Only now do I notice the pungent stench I emit. How has Jari not fainted yet?

I quickly put on the new clothes. They’re actually too wide for my skimpy frame. There’s a belt added but I ignore the thing. Instead, I leave it in the bag. Clumsily I hold the trousers and shirt together as I step outside.

 ‘You look great!’, Jari chuckles and I blush. ‘You don’t need my belt?’

‘Nah, I can manage without it’, I answer as I make a knot in the shirt. I see the questioning look in the other boy’s eyes but he leaves it be. He simply receives the bag again.

 ‘How do you feel?’, Jari then asks.

‘It feels good. Almost a bit itchy’, I admit. The clean, smooth clothes feel foreign to my hardened skin.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

I enjoy my time with Jari. He tells me more about the shenanigans he and his butler pulled off the last few years. It’s so funny to listen to. And Jari is a good talker. He must’ve learned it from Jaska.

The boy knows to tell the things in such a way, it makes me almost experience it myself. Oh, how I long I could live with him together.

During our talks, we stand close to each other. We like to hold hands. It’s our only real physical connection to each other. Whenever I feel sad, he squeezes my hand as a reassuring gesture.

I love it when he holds my hand. He is always so warm and so full of affection I can hardly believe he is human. It all feels so surreal for me: to be loved.

Almost every day, we make a pinky promise to look after each other. It gives me an assurance. Something I can hold onto.

 

Jari is a curious kid, like any kid should be. In his eyes, I see all the questions he wants to ask me but he hesitates. He knows there’s a pain inside me that gets triggered when he asks about it so he remains silent. He is a really clever kid.

Part of me wants to tell Jari the truth. But I know that if I do, he will despise me. He will think I’m a disgusting human being with no morals whatsoever. He will fear me.

And then he will turn me the cold shoulder and I don’t want that to happen. I want to stay friends even if that means I can’t tell him about my past.

Well, I’m not one hundred percent sure if that will happen, but it has happened twice in the past and I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.

Also, I don’t want to confront him with my harsh reality. No kid should know about the cruelties of _my_ world. My _hell_. No, he should keep his innocence.

He wouldn’t be ready if I’d tell him. Neither am I prepared to say it out loud.

It’s better if I keep my past to myself. If I keep it locked deep within me, somewhere in a dark pit where it can burn forever.

 

If Jari isn’t at the fence, it’s Jaska. The butler.

I’m still a bit nervous when he is around but he is also good company. However, I like to keep my distance even though he has proved me many times he doesn’t mean any harm.

He is a fun guy to be honest. He makes jokes and every time we meet, he gives me a random fact about himself or the mansion or the people in the mansion.

One time, he tells me he still sleeps with a teddy bear at his side.

Sometimes I tell something about myself. Small, little innocent things that got lost pretty quick when I turned seven. Things I can still talk about with my remaining pride. I always used to like potatoes. My favorite color is red. I used to have miniature sportscar. It was my favorite toy. I used to play basketball.

 Jaska _listens_ and nods and smiles.

Those things, I share them with Jari too. He should know there was still a bit of my innocent childhood left.


	6. They never liked you (Jani)

We always make a pinky promise before we part. Well not always, but most of the time we do.

I know it’s silly and that I should simply trust Jari when he tells me he’ll return every day. But I should also understand he can’t always spent his time with me. He still has a life besides that.

But I do miss him when he is not around.

 

Yesterday Jari has told me he wanted to play a board game with me today. I’m hyped and wonder what kind of game. If I remember correctly, I’ve never played those sort of games before.

So now I eagerly wait for him in the opening of my tent. The thing is quite cozy and filled with blankets, keeping me warm during the nights. With summer getting closer, life in the wilderness is more bearable already.

My day goes suspiciously slow. I haven’t seen Jaska in a while. Guess being the _head_ of the main staff is quite time consuming. Jari hasn’t shown up either.

I assume he is learning for his finals that are nearing. He told me once and said it always takes a lot of his spare time. Sometimes he takes his school stuff to the fence where he tries to teach me. I like it when he does that. Most of the things, I don’t really understand but it’s interesting nonetheless.

The sun is lowering already and I start to worry. I wonder if something bad happened to them. The whole mansion looks quiet.

Then a horrifying thought occurs to me. Maybe they finally got sick of me. Maybe they’ll never come back. They probably got tired of having to take care of me the whole time. My head lowers as I retreat to my tent.

Defeated, I fall into the mattress. I stretch my arms in front of me and stare at my clothes. I still wear the clothes Jari gave me around two weeks ago. They already got dirty again. Not as filthy as my old rags though.

 I feel tears coming up. My hands grasp the blankets tightly as I growl.

_How could you be so stupid, Jani? They only used you for their own amusement. They don’t really care about you. you were like a pet for them. Even worse, a tool. Once you get useless or boring, they get rid of you. The only thing they have to do, is ignore you. They know you can’t approach them. They know you don’t have anywhere to go. No one would believe trash like you and you know it._

The voice I’ve been repressing for the past few weeks is starting to get the upper hand again.

_They never liked you. You were only an interesting change of events but they never cared about you._

I start to sob. I’ve cried a lot but the mask of mud never properly got off my face. I must look horrible.

The voice inside of me starts to fill my mind with dark thoughts again. I can hardly bear it. I press my hands against my head and scream in mental agony. Suddenly my mind decides to give me some pretty nasty flashbacks from my encounters with the blue men.

Bewildered I jump out of my comfortable tent. It’s getting dark outside but I feel the adrenaline rush through my veins. I need to run. I want to escape. Now I’m aware about the fact it has been almost four weeks now that I’m not running or fleeing anymore.

And so I’m running again. Tears blur my vision as I walk straight into the forest and after some time, straight into a very angry boar. Totally unaware of my surroundings, I bump into the animal.

I wipe away the tears that are blocking my view and stare right in the boar’s enraged eyes. My face goes pale and I see the beast’s hoof grinding against the soil, ready to attack me. Its fangs look threatening. Without thinking twice, I crawl up and run for my life. Once again I’m screaming.

 Soon I’m running out of breath and I try to climb into a nearby tree. I hear the galloping of the boar right behind me. I’m not fast enough and the animal headbutts me in the back. I’m lucky it doesn’t pierce my with its fangs.

My heads smacks forcefully against the bark of the tree. I feel my nose crack. With effort I manage to turn around to see the boar ready itself for a second attempt. I fence myself with my arms.

 The boar rams its head against my arms and I fall, my back hitting the tree. It rips the breath out of my lungs and I collapse to the ground. I cough up blood but fall back eventually. Luckily, the boar loses interest in me after that and leaves me bleeding on the ground.

My nose is bruised and bleeding. My arms have severe scratches too. I break down crying. I don’t find the strength to get up again. Dust and blood start to stick to my face. I feel dizzy. I close my eyes and wait for all of it to end.

 

I don’t know how much time has passed, but I feel something push against me. My head aches when I get turned around by something. Is it a feral animal?

I’m barely aware of some kind of light shining in my face. It’s when someone forcefully opens my eye, I really wake up. I start to panic. My arms and legs start to kick in reflex but strong hands keep me down. I scream for help but I know no one will hear me. No one will care anyway.

 ‘Don’t take me! No! No more!’, I yell.

Two voices talk to me in a way tone way too soothing and sweet. I don’t recognize the voices for I’m too afraid to properly process what’s going on at all. Then I lose conscious again.


	7. Jani, where are you? (Jari)

The whole ride home, I’m on edge. I couldn’t see Jani to tell him my parents suddenly decided early in the morning to go to the big city. Neither could my butler. He had to arrange the trip in the first place.

When we finally get home, I’m sent to bed immediately and Jaska has to take care of some of the luggage. Afterwards, he still needs to tend to some other chores before preparing things for the next day already. I’m slightly panicked because I know how much Jani relies on my promises.

I’m always afraid I can’t keep them. So I keep my promises small and simple. But still.

I know Jani has trust issues. He probably has his _very good_ reasons to have them. I wish I knew it, but he won’t let me in on that part of his life.

I also know that the other boy is almost afraid of hope for he knows it’s easily broken. Maybe he is right. Hope and trust are so easy to break. To fix and restore them, is nearly impossible.

  With one quick glance at my watch I deduct it’s already 9 PM.

 While I pretend to sleep, I’m actually thinking about what Jani must think right now. Is he disappointed? Is he angry? Maybe even afraid. Probably all of it. I wonder if he is going to run off.

He looks like the type who flees whenever he sees the chance. In the beginning, when Jaska joined me, I noticed the change in his behavior. He didn’t tell me everything and he seemed to be constantly on edge. Luckily, he has changed a bit after more encounters.

I feel bad for my friend. I don’t want him to be homeless or to be afraid ever again.

 

I look in my drawer filled to the brim with socks. Underneath the big pile  I find a flashlight. I also put some warmer clothes aside which I’ll put on when the time is right.

I decide to sneak out of the house without Jaska. I can’t disturb him now otherwise my parents will probably complain about him ignoring his duties and me staying up late at night.

I still have to wait at least a whole hour. It makes me restless and even more frightened about what could happen to my friend.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

The clock strikes ten and I’ve put on a sweater with a shirt underneath it. I wear my hiking shoes as well. For the first time, I’ll try to reach the other side of the fence.

‘Dear Lordy!’, I hiss when my door peeps loudly when I try to open it as careful as possible. Good thing, there’s no staff members out in the hallway. I manage to sneak passed my father’s office to the big staircase. I actually curse when the front door is locked. Of course, my father or Jaska has the key but I don’t want to bother him. So instead I find my way to the kitchen. At least the windows aren’t locked with a stupid key.

It’s a bit tricky jumping out of one of the windows but I manage to do it anyway. Hooray for kids’ agility.

With a thud I reach the ground and I grunt. Landing didn’t go as softly as expected and I fall back on my butt. During my fall I didn’t pay attention to the flashlight I was carrying in my left hand. Quickly I inspect the thing and am relieved when it still works.

I enter stealth mode and crouch through the garden all the way to the fence. Once there, I wonder how I can go over the fence. With the barbed wire here and there, it’s nearly impossible.

 But I’ve come prepared. I “stole” my father’s pliers and now I try to bent and cut the annoying wire which keeps me separated from my friend. After some intense cutting and pulling, I manage to make the hole in the fence bigger. I crouch through it and immediately go for the tent.

My heart forgets to beat for a second when I only see some blankets in the small space.

 ‘Jani? Jani! Are you here somewhere?! Jani! Please!’, I yell at the sky but there’s no reply. Maybe he has fled into the woods and fell asleep. Maybe he got attacked. I don’t want to think the latter, but it’s the only thing that comes to mind now.

 ‘Shit’, I curse when I feel my cheeks getting wet by some tears. ‘Fuck his duties’, I mutter to myself when I run back to the mansion where I try to find Jaska. I get jumpscared when the front door suddenly swings open and in the opening stands none other than my butler. He quickly turns off his flashlight so he won’t blind me.

 ‘Jari!’, he exclaims with worry in his eyes.

‘Ja- Jaska’, I say in between my panting. ‘Jani… He’s gone! We need to find h- im!’

Before I know it, my butler approaches me and picks me up like I’m nothing. I swing my arms around him and hold on tight when he marches through the garden.

 ‘Now you can catch your breath’, he grins. Finally we get to the fence. With some effort he crouches through the hole too.

 Together we walk into the forest. ‘Jani! Where are you?’, Jaska shouts.

‘We’re sorry! I, my parents came in between and I couldn’t warn you!’, I yell but I know he probably can’t hear me.

 

At one moment, we split up but not too far away from each other. I yelp when I find my friend near a bloodied tree. A small puddle of dried up blood is formed underneath his head. His clothes look torn too. ‘Jaska!’, I call out for him. He quickly stands by my side.

 ‘Let’s get him on his back’, he mutters as he kneels down. Carefully he turns Jani’s frail body around. His face is covered in bruises and blood.

 ‘We need to get him to a doc or something!’ I exclaim.

‘We can’t. the police will be involved’, Jaska reminds me and I snort. ‘Then we have to take him with us’, I declare and Jaska nods.

 ‘I- is he still breathing?’, I hardly dare to hear the answer. My butler inspects the other boy and tries to open one eye to see if the pupil still react. It does and Jani wakes up. He looks disoriented and horrified. He starts to kick with his arms and legs and Jaska has trouble keeping him in place.

 ‘It’s us, Jani! You’ll only hurt yourself’, Jaska tries not to raise his voice but he has to because Jani is screaming like crazy right now.

 ‘You’re with us now’, I try to hush my friend but he seems to be trapped in his own mind. It pains me to see him like this. Eventually he faints and Jaska carefully carries him back to the mansion where we try to heal his wounds.


	8. Heal (Jani)

I awaken by someone’s touch. I writhe and try to stand up so I can run away but my body doesn’t allow it. I start to sweat nervously.

 ‘It’s okay, Jani’, a familiar sweet voice soothes my paranoid state. I blink a few times so my view gets clearer again.

I see Jari and the butler. Jaska quickly retreats his hand from my cheek. It itches. I wonder what happened and why they’re here. Where are the trees? Where is the Monster and where is the boar? I’m so confused but I’m glad to see them.

 Jari’s hand is now felt on mine.

That’s the moment I notice I’m laying in a bed. A warm and soft bed and I’m in a big room too. It’s all overwhelming for me. My friend squeezes my hand to reassure me again. I give him a faint smile.

‘You got hurt somehow. We came looking for you’, Jari explains.

 _Oh_ , that’s right.

 ‘I-, I thought you had forgotten about m- me. No, that y- you _abandoned_ me’, I stammer after some time. I don’t want to sound desperate or accusing but I am.

 ‘I’d never forget you. Yesterday didn’t go as planned. My parents suddenly wanted to go to the city and neither Jaska or I could warn you about it’, Jari explains to me. I _want_ to believe him.

‘I’m sorry you had to feel that way’, Jari whispers. ‘I’m sorry for breaking my promise, I really was worried the whole day about you. When we got home again, I wanted to search for you immediately but I couldn’t until my parents would be asleep.’

I look at the blankets. I let his words sink in. then I look up to him and stammer: ‘Yesterday? Is it already morning?’

 ‘Yes. It’s Sunday already’, Jaska speaks up. When my eyes meet the butler, he has a wetted cloth in his hand.  I spot some blood on it. There’s a red kit resting on his lap. I stare at my hands. They got bandaged. So Jaska patched me up.

Now it’s me who squeezes Jari’s hand.

 ‘Well, at least you kept _one_ promise’, I mutter, ‘You said you’d protect me.’

‘I was too late’, Jari lets his head hang. ‘You got attacked, right?’ I nod and my neck aches painfully.

 ‘You could’ve just assumed I was still in my tent but you started search. So you’ve been through the fence’, I say amazed.

 ‘Yes, I did.’

A new wave of panic rushes over me when I see I’m wearing new clothes. So they must’ve seen my body. How can they still act normal around me after what they must’ve seen?

I’m also getting aware of the fact that I’m on forbidden grounds. Jari can read it in my eyes.

 ‘Don’t worry about that. You’re safe here. The only thing you need to do now, is relax and recover from your wounds.’

 I mumble something. ‘Thank you, Jari. For finding me. And Jaska, for taking care of my wounds.’

‘That’s okay, kiddo. That’s what I’m here for’, Jaska grins. He doesn’t touch me.

Both of them step up. ‘We’ll give you some space now. As you may’ve noticed already, there’s water on the nightstand next to you. If you need anything, just call me via this device’, Jaska says.

He shows me a small thing called a walkie-talkie. ‘Jari and I have one too.’

 ‘Okay. I’m sorry for overacting. I’m sorry for doubting you. Like… you don’t have to look after me the whole time. I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to be useless. I’m sorry for accusing you and.. and-’, I feel like an idiot when I start to cry again. This time I don’t get a reassuring hand tightening around my own hand.

No, this time I feel Jari’s warm arms around my body. He is embracing me. First I tense up but I quickly relax and lean into his sweet touch. It’s not just an embrace. It’s a hug. A real hug.

 ‘You’re going to be fine, Jani’, he hushes and I calm down.

His eyes stare into mine. They look worried but then I see his eyes smile at me. I mirror his actions. My arms still hurt, but I really want to hug my friend. I hold onto him, afraid of letting go.

 ‘Jari’, is all I can say.

‘I know’, the other boy whispers.

When we part, I lay back down. Jari and Jaska wave me a goodbye and after they have left the room, I stare at the ceiling. Suddenly I feel tired again. They are right. I should rest some more so I can fully recover.


	9. Rest (Jari)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small conversation between Jari and Jaska

‘How is he still alive? All those scars, you’ve seen them too, right?’, I exclaim, slightly panicked.

Jaska nods. ‘He sure is one hell of a survivor. Some of those marks weren’t normal. They’re not from a “normal” injury.’

I wonder what he means with that. What is a “normal” injury supposed to look like? From a car accident or something?

 ‘Are you implying _someone_ caused those wounds?’, I don’t want to believe it but Jaska sadly nods.

‘I’m afraid so. I don’t like to say it but I think Jani is a victim of physical abuse.’

I know life doesn’t go smoothly for everyone and that violence exists, but it never reached so close to home as now.

 ‘But by whom?’, I stammer. Why would anyone hurt someone like Jani?

‘His parents, I think’, Jaska outs his thoughts. ‘Or a relative.’ It makes me fall back on my mattress. I feel empty when staring at the ceiling.

 ‘How can your own parents hurt you like that? That’s not normal!’ My parents can be strict but they would never hit me.

‘Hey, Jari, look at me. I didn’t say the parents are the _real_ reason. It’s just my speculation.’

 ‘But still’, I snivel. Uncontrollably tears come up in my eyes. My butler notices and says: ‘Come here.’

I stand up and walk over to him. I sit on the tall man’s lap and he hugs me.

 ‘It’s a lot to process, huh? I’m sorry’, Jaska whispers, rubbing my back in a soothing way.

‘So monsters _do_ exist. I remember Jani mentioned them once’, I mutter against Jaska’s shoulder. ‘I want to help him but I don’t know how.’

 ‘You can start by making him stay here. We’ll come up with something, I promise. This spare room isn’t visited by your parents a lot anyway, so he’s safe there. We can’t ask the police for help and you know why.’

 I nod. Jaska once told me about Jani totally flipping when he mentioned the cops. Does Jani only have bad encounters with adults, I wonder. It seems so.

‘Don’t worry too much now. You should get some rest as well, Jari’, Jaska suggests.

 ‘Perhaps.’

‘You know what? I’ll get you some hot chocolate while you rest here. Is that okay? Maybe afterwards, you can check up on Jani.’

 I agree and lay back on my mattress. I wonder if Jani fell asleep or if he is pondering like me.


	10. Fever (Jani)

I’m being swallowed by the Darkness. I know the Monster is there. He is lurking there.

I try to run but my legs won’t cooperate. I’m scared as I crouch over an invisible floor of cold tiles. The deep growl behind me announces the Monster’s presence. He is close. He is going to get me. I cry without shedding a tear. I scream but no sound is produced.

Suddenly a bright light blinds me and I faint. After I regain consciousness, I’m in a white room.

I’m lying on the marble floor, naked. There are bloody handprints on my body. Upon closer inspection, I see the handprints have sunk into my skin like big and fresh scars. This time I hear my own voice break.

 But a soft, innocent voice pulls me out of the madness.

The voice belongs to my friend, Jari.

 

‘Jani’, the other boy says. He looks very worried. He has placed a hand on my forehead. It’s warm.

A faint smile plays on my lips when I start to calm down.

 ‘My heart, it’s beating so fast’, I breathe heavily. Jari brushes through my messy hair.

He places one hand on my chest. His warmth flows into my cold heart, calming it down almost immediately. I wonder if Jari has some magic powers. He can take away all my fears just by being here.

 ‘I had nightmares about the Monster’, I sob.

I see how my muddy tears get on the white blanket, dirtying it in the process.

 ‘I’m so sorry. I’m even making all the sheets dirty by laying here’, I start to apologize but Jari stops me.

‘It’s okay, Jani. It’s okay. We’ll simply wash them. But now that you mention it, how about you taking a bath?’

Washing has become a strange concept to me. I slightly nod but already regret agreeing. I don’t want Jari to see my body again. He is probably disgusted by it but he has to put up a show for me.

The other boy notices my hesitation so he asks: ‘You can also wash without me. I can show you the way to my bathroom.’

 ‘ _Your_ bathroom?’, I ask surprised.

‘Yeah, I have my own one. Come on, we’ll get you out of those pajamas and put on some real clothes afterwards’, Jari grins. ‘Can you walk?’

 ‘Guess so. Let me try’, I slip out of the bed. My legs tremble a little but quickly I find my balance again.

‘Hold on tight and follow me’, the other kid says. He takes my hand in his and then we run.

We run through different corridors and it feels like I’m in a maze. It makes me dizzy. I have to sit down when we finally reach Jari’s bathroom. I almost jump in the air when I notice the butler in the boy’s room.

He waves at me and I awkwardly wave back. ‘I’ll be gone now’, Jaska declares before leaving Jari and me alone. Apparently Jaska _does_ understand me after all.

 ‘You want to shower alone?’, my friend asks.

‘I’d like a bath’, I inform. Jari nods and starts to let the water of the bathtub flow. I see a change in his body language. Is he hesitating?

 ‘What is it?’, I want to know.

‘Nothing, it’s just… are you… I actually want to stay.’

 ‘Why?’, my reply sounds harsher than I meant it to be.

‘I’m afraid you do something horrible to yourself when I’m not around’, Jari explains. Is he afraid I’ll drown myself?

‘It may not have been clear to  you, but I deeply care about you, Jani. I don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t want to see you hurt yourself and I don’t want to see you get hurt by others, by _monsters_ ’, the boy adds. I gulp at the mention of the other monsters. Does he know…?

 ‘Oh, ok then’, I lower my head, avoiding his gaze. Maybe it’s better if Jari takes care of me now.

‘Is it okay if I wash you?’, Jari hesitatingly asks. My eyes meet his again. The boy means no harm. Besides, the Monster never washed me so there are no negative connections with washing. After some silence, I agree and start to undress while Jari puts the soap in the tub. Quickly it starts to smell like a sweet flower field. The smell of it almost makes me cry.

 

 I shudder when my left leg touches the hot water. It tingles. Then my right leg is added. Slowly I sink down until the water reaches above my belly button. In the meantime, Jari looks away.

 ‘Is it not too hot?’, Jari wants to be sure.

‘It’s okay’, I mutter.  My friendgives me some time to get used to the feeling of being in fresh water. After a few minutes he says: ‘I’m going to make your hair wet now, okay?’

I give my consent and the other boy uses the showerhead to make my hair wet. I close my eyes firmly and let the warm water rain down on me. I tremble again.

‘How does it feel? Are you okay?’

‘I- I’m fine. It’s nice’, I reply. I wipe my eyes and get startled when I feel Jari’s hands on my head again. This time with some kind of lotion. He massages my head gently.

 ‘If it hurts, just say it’, the other kid mumbles. I see he is standing on a crate so he can reach me better. Even Jari’s way of washing me is gentle and warm. I start to love him more and more. It almost scares me: loving somebody. I’ve never loved anyone in my life. I always thought it was love, but in reality I just got manipulated. I’m so glad I see that now.

 ‘Jari?’

‘What is it, Jani? Am I hurting you?’

‘No. I just wanted to say that I-’, the rest of my words get stuck in my throat. It feels like there’s a lump in my throat I cannot get rid of. I can’t say it. I can’t say the words out loud. It pains me.

 ‘I want to tell you that I-’, again a stutter. Jari stops washing my hair. There’s some soap on his glasses. I try to brush it away, but I only make it worse. ‘Sorry’, I whisper.

Jari simply smiles, takes off his glasses and places them somewhere safe. ‘I’m the silly one.’

He doesn’t ask me what I was going to say. Instead he asks: ‘Can I wash your back?’

 My back is okay.

‘J- just don’t laugh, okay?’, I tell him. ‘Why should I laugh?’

 ‘My body just looks terrible. You already saw it, huh?’, I guess. I don’t want to know the answer but I listen anyway.

 ‘Yes, I have. I was… surprised. I’m sorry you had to go through whatever caused those scars, Jani. I- I didn’t’ expect you to have that many scars. Yes, from your time on the streets b- but…’, Jari gets lost in his words.

 ‘Aren’t you disgusted?’, I whisper.

‘Yes’, Jari can’t finish his sentence because I flinch. I feel hurt and pained. I turn my face away from him. I’m ashamed. Suddenly I feel Jari’s hands on my face, making me look at him again. His move happens clumsily and then he actually falls into the bathtub. Alerted I shift back. Water flows over the tub.

 When Jari reaches the surface again, he quickly wipes away some of his long hair.

‘Jari? Are you alright there?’ suddenly the voice of the butler is heard.

 ‘I’m okay, Jaska! Don’t worry about me!’, Jari shouts back. When the man is heard distancing himself again, Jari and my eyes meet and we both laugh out loud.

 

Then the silence returns. Once again, Jari’s warm hands are on my face.

 ‘Yes I am disgusted. But _not_ by you. I’m disgusted by _whoever_ did this to you. Oh Jani, I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could take away those scars, those fears.’

Do I see tears in his eyes? If so, I’ll wipe them away. It’s the first time I wipe away someone else’s tears.

 ‘It’s okay, Jari’, I mimic the actions he does when he comforts me.

It works apparently and Jari smiles at me again.

 ‘So you don’t hate my body?’ The other boy shakes his head. ‘Of course not!’

The rest of my bath time is spend in silence. Jari scrubs away the dirt from my arms and back. It takes him five times and he actually has to drain the dirtied water and fill the tub anew. He doesn’t mind to get his own clothes dirty in the process.

 ‘Can I wash your chest too?’, he wonders out loud.

‘B- be careful’, I stutter. When my friend puts the sponge on my chest, I pull back. My heart beats faster than I want it to.

 Jari retreats also. He offers me the sponge. ‘Want to do it yourself?’

‘Okay.’

I rub and I scrub. I almost lose myself in the act. I hiss and my eyes widen when I notice I scratched a part of my chest open. It bleeds and itches. I get dizzy.

 ‘It’s okay, it’s okay’, I hear Jari speak. My mind goes blank. Somewhere in the distance I hear Jari call out for his butler.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

I regain consciousness and find myself in the bed again. This time, I wear a blue shirt and grey, short cargo pants. I’m wrapped up in a soft blanket. Jari sits next to me.

He touches my head and I shake. ‘You’re hot. I’m afraid you have a fever’, he remarks.

 ‘Oh’, is the only thing I can come up with.

‘Don’t worry. We’ll get you some pills to get better.’

‘N- not the Pills’, I stammer frightened. ‘No, no. Will it make me fall asleep? I don’t want to fall asleep’, I stammer warned. The Pills make me lose my mind and memory.

 ‘Okay, then I’ll find something else to help you. Don’t be afraid. We have the supplies to help you get through your sickness’, Jari promises.

 ‘Wh- where is Jaska?’, I wonder.

‘He helped you get out of the bathtub after you fell unconscious. But you don’t have to be ashamed about yourself. Jaska understands.’

I know he does. Jaska is actually a good man. ‘I-, I know. He is okay’, I whisper. Jari then goes in for a hug. When he wants to leave me, I stop him by grasping onto his wrist.

 ‘Stay, Jari. Please, stay with me’, I’m almost begging.

‘Okay. I’ll stay with you now. You can sleep. Hush now’, Jari joins me in the bed. I hug him tightly. I don’t want to let go. Jari caresses my back. Maybe if he is here next to me, I can sleep normally. A sleep without nightmares. Without monsters.


	11. Soup (Jaska)

I’m doing a few chores in the kitchen but I’m also preparing some soup for Jani. That poor kid. He has gone through so much. The marks and scars on his skin still haunt me.

What in the hell happened to him? Who did those awful things to him? What kind of monster did make him hate adults that much?

So now I’m trying to put as much love in the soup as I can. Hopefully it will make him better soon. I’m still worried I need to call an actual doctor for the boy. Simple first aid isn’t going to do it, really.

I hum a cheerful tune, too cheerful for the actual situation. When the soup is ready, I go back upstairs. Luckily I don’t cross the housemaster or his wife or any staff members in general.

I knock on the door but I don’t get any response. I wonder where Jari is. Didn’t he check up on Jani?

As soon as I open the door, a bright smile shows on my face. I slightly chuckle at the sight.

Jari and Jani are both asleep in each other’s embrace. Jani’s chest peacefully falls and rises, I’ve never seen Jani look that peaceful. I shed a single tear.

I actually don’t want to wake them up. To win them some time, I set the soup on the nightstand. I slice the bread in smaller, edible pieces. I pour in the fresh water in a glass. Eventually I decide to wake Jari up.

 ‘Jari’, I begin, careful not to wake his friend too. Luckily, Jari opens his eyes. At first he looks a bit confused but then he smiles at me.

 ‘What time is it?’

‘Already 3 PM, but don’t worry about that. How are you doing and how is he doing?’, I want to know.

‘He is sleeping peacefully. I’m doing fine, I guess. He has a fever.’

‘As expected. Jari, I want to tell you something’, I say. The boy nods and carefully steps out of the bed without startling Jani.

When he stands next to me, I express my worries: ‘I’m afraid we’ll have to call a doctor.’

 ‘You’re right. But how? How is he “related” to me? Also my parents!’

‘I’ll come up with something, don’t worry.’ I sigh. I only have one solution to this problem, but then I’ll need Jani’s complete trust and that might be a problem on its own. I can’t blame the boy, though.

 ‘Hm, let’s see if the soup is ready to eat’, I mutter to change the subject.

I taste my own cooking with a new spoon and decide it’s ready.

 ‘You wake him up? Maybe it’s better if I go now’, I suggest and Jari nods.

‘Sorry, Jaska’, Jari apologizes but I smile: ‘It’s okay. It’s understandable if he doesn’t want me here now. If you need me, use the walkie-talkie.’

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

A few minutes later, I’m dusting a part of the living room when suddenly my mobile device starts beeping. Slightly on edge, I pick up.

 ‘Jari?’, I say.

I’m surprised to hear the other kid’s voice: ‘Jaska?’

 ‘That’s me, yes. Is everything alright?’, I ask.

‘Yeah, yeah. I just…. Thank you, for the soup. It was delicious’, the boy’s voice sounds hoarse.

‘Oh, okay. That’s good to hear!’, I grin.

 ‘Jari said you made it yourself?’, Jani adds.

‘Hehe, yes, I did. So what do you think of my cooking skills?’

 ‘Nice. Really, thank you, Jaska.’

‘No problem, kiddo’, I want to end the conversation else but he cuts me off: ‘Also thank you for getting me out of the, eh bath. I shouldn’t have fainted.’

 ‘It’s okay, Jani! Nothing you could control. I’m just glad you’re back in the world of the living. Get well soon!’, I say in response. Poor kid, he is always apologizing for stuff.

‘Also, tha- thank y- you for showing me th- there are good a- adults in this this world’, Jani stutters.

I hear he has trouble saying it. Guess he isn’t used to complimenting people.

 ‘You’re welcome. I just want to say, I admire your courage, y’know? I may not have said it directly, but I really do. You’re a strong boy, Jani. I’m very proud of you.’

After I finish my sentence, I hear the kid sobbing. ‘Hey, kiddo, you okay?’ Also not used to being complimented, huh?

 ‘I-, I’m fine. Thanks for s- saying that. I-, I’ll be going now’, Jani stammers.

I chuckle: ‘That’s okay. Have a nice rest and you know you can always reach me.’


	12. Jaska (Jari)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get some background information about the butler.

‘How long do you know Jaska?’, Jani wants to know after he put down the walkie-talkie.

‘For some time. Maybe when I was six or even five years old’, I answer.

‘You seem to know each other very well. From what I’ve observed, you can even communicate without words’, Jani remarks and I chuckle.

 ‘Yeah, you could say that. He is a great man. I’m forever in his debt.’

‘Wh- what do you mean with that?’, my friend looks alerted and I reassuringly shake my head.

‘He has saved my life when I was little. My family and I, we were in the city for some reason. Somehow I ran off. Hehe, silly me. Even back then there was a little rebel in me!’, I recall and Jani listens in awe.

‘So what happened?!’, the other boy wants to know more.

‘I ran off and ran into the wrong people. Criminals. They were “street rats”, as my parents call the homeless. They attacked me, probably because I was wearing some expensive stuff. Luckily for me Jaska and Marko were around.’

 ‘Marko?’, Jani looks surprised.

‘Did I never mention my butler has an older brother?’, I wonder and my friend shakes his head.

 ‘Well, now you know. They migrated. They were homeless, just like my attackers. Although Jaska and Marko were outnumbered they won. And then they brought me back to my parents.’

 ‘Whoa, that sounds awesome! I mean… how d- did it end?’, Jani exclaims excited. I spot a faint sparkle in his eyes. Something I’ve never seen before.

 ‘They returned me safely. First my father was doubtful, but my mother said I could use a “bodyguard” and personal butler’, I explain.

 ‘What about Marko?’

‘He works in a factory. My mother said she owed them an apartment in the city. So now they live there. My parents even got them some papers too. Silly, right? Jaska probably didn’t knew saving “some kid” would make him turn into a fancy butler’, I giggle at what Jaska must’ve thought when my mother offered him the job.

‘In the beginning he was a clumsy butler, though. Did I never tell you about the time he accidentally ruined half of our crockery?’

Jani starts to laugh. ‘No, you never told me that. But how did your parents react?’

 ‘They probably regretted Jaska saving my life’, I joke. ‘However, mom just bought new sets afterwards and soon it was forgotten by most of us. I’m really surprised he got away with it actually. Perhaps because he was still a rookie back then.’

 ‘Hehe, and what’s his brother like?’

‘He is a nice and friendly guy too. I don’t see him often, though. Rarely, even. But Jaska talks about him from time to time. Jaska says he makes jokes that are worse than his own jokes. And in secret, his brother is a singer! Okay maybe not secretly. He just likes to sing in his spare time. I hope you can hear him sing one day. The music he creates in his spare time takes you to different, higher places!’, I say. Apparently I’m telling it with such excitement because the other boy is totally caught up in my story.

 ‘The way you describe him, makes me want to meet him’, Jani expresses. He sounds surprised.

‘Maybe one day you can’, I smile.

I look at my watch. 4 PM. I sigh. I should do some homework. I have a test tomorrow too.

 ‘I’m sorry, Jani but I have to leave you. School work awaits.’ Jani nods understandingly.

‘But look, I’ll be back around the evening. And if you’re feeling well enough, we can play that board game after all!’, I quickly add.

 ‘You sure?’, his tone is judging.

‘Once again, Jani, I’m so sorry about yesterday’, I apologize again.

‘It, it’s okay, Jari. You had good reasons and, and… It’s okay. Really. Sorry. I look forward to the game. But if you don’t make it this evening, I can wait’, then the boy offers me a smile and I return that smile.

 ‘See you around’, I wave when I leave the room.

‘Good luck with school!’, Jani says back.

 ‘Thanks’, I grin before I close the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the background info is lame xD


	13. Medicine (Jani)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, i feel so bad for Jani ><

The same evening I wait for Jari to appear at the doorstep.

There’s a knock on my door. Can I shout back? ‘Come on in!’, I exclaim. Jaska _and_ Jari walk inside. The butler has a new plate with good smelling food on it. Jari has a box under his arm.

‘Good evening, Jani. How are you feeling?’, Jaska asks when he puts the plate on the nightstand.

‘I’m still tired. Cough many times’, I murmur.

‘You’re still warm?’, he questions. I place a hand on my forehead. I nod.

‘I made mashed potatoes with some beans. At least try to eat a little bit’, the man says.

‘Thanks’, I say. ‘I think I can eat it, though.’

‘You don’t have to force it’, Jari comments. ‘Is it okay for you if I sit on the bed too?’

‘Of course’, I reply. My friend sits down at the end of the bed and starts to unbox.

I grin. There are colorful pawns and two dice and a board. ‘So this is the board game?’

  Jari answers: ‘Yep, I can tell you the rules while you eat your dinner! It’s playable with four!’

So while I’m eating, Jari explains the rules of the game _Mensch ärgere Dich nicht_. The rules are very simple. It looks like a fun but frustrating game.

 In the end I only eat the half of the food before I start to feel nauseous.

‘I-, I feel like throwing up’, I mutter, keeping a hand before my mouth. The others notice and the butler rushes out of the room to get me a bowl. He arrives in time and gives me the bowl.

Reluctantly I empty my stomach. The dizziness returns and I have to lay down again. I can’t help it but cry. I let Jaska clean my mouth and chin up. Jari cools me down with a wet cloth on my forehead.

 ‘Y’know, when you get better, we’ll play that game, okay?’

‘Y- yeah’, I groan as I squeeze my eyes shut. I feel my friend’s hand in mine.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

Wednesday my fever gets worse. I’m sleeping most of the time. I ramble incomprehensible words or I don’t talk at all. I feel horrible. At least, my fever makes sure I can’t think about the Monster, the House or the other monsters. I have feverish dreams that are luckily not about the Monster. It’s more like strange dreams. Still, they make me sweat relentlessly.

 

I’m hardly aware of Jari or Jaska walking into my room around noon. They stand next to my bed. My hands are trembling and my view is blurry.

I snivel and unconsciously I look for my friend’s hand. When I feel him, I calm down a bit. But then I get alerted by the sound of a door opening. I thought both Jari and Jaska were in my room already?

The voice of a stranger alerts me and I try to open my heavy eyelids to see who it is.

A dark figure approaches me and my heart starts to beat faster. Oh gosh, the shadow is going to take me! I try to escape. I’m writhing but something keeps me pressed against the mattress. I panic. I start to scream.

‘Get off of me! D- Don’t touch me, you filthy bastard!’

My actions are all in vain. I feel someone squeeze my hand.

‘Jani! Jani, please, snap out of it! No one’s going to hurt you. The nurse is trying to heal you’, a familiar voice tries to calm me down. A nurse. Not a man. That’s one thing I shouldn’t worry about then.

I try to relax but instead I keep tensing up. I feel something get injected into my arm. I drool and pant heavily. Whatever it is that got injected, it makes me cool down. It makes me feel sleepy. With a panicked heart I enter into a dreamless sleep.

 

The rest of the week I get a foul tasting drink to help me get better. It works, though.

I’m finally getting back to my normal senses. The feverish dreams have stopped haunting me.

I can see clearly again and my head isn’t heavy anymore.


	14. News (Jani)

When it’s Saturday, Jari and Jaska want to talk to me.

‘Should I be worried?’

‘No. Not really. But we want to talk about a possible solution to the current situation’, Jari begins hesitatingly. There’s a frown on Jaska’s face. It makes me gulp. When the butler notices, he tries to smile and stops frowning.

 ‘The… the current situation?’, I stammer nervously. My friend nods and explains: ‘Yes. I’m afraid you can’t stay here forever. There’s always a chance my parents notice slight changes in our schedule, y’know? Sooner or later they might find out. So we were thinking about relocating you to a safer place.’

I feel my heart skip a beat. A safer place? Where do they want to put me then? I have the idea there is no other safe place for me. Even this mansion isn’t safe enough then. I feel like my only hope is being tested once again. My heart starts to beat faster too. I clutch to my chest in concern.

Jari joins me on the bed and murmurs: ‘Jaska had this idea… You can live with him.’

It makes me look at the butler. I blink a few times. I can’t believe it. Are they serious? I know Jaska is trustworthy but still. That would mean I can’t see Jari often and he won’t be around. I’ll be in a total different environment.

 ‘I know this is a lot to take but I’m afraid this is the only solution’, Jaska speaks up.

‘ _Oh_ , ok then. I guess? I-, I’m sorry’, I mutter.  I don’t dare to look him in the eyes. I should be glad and grateful.

 ‘No, _we_ are sorry for not being able to find a better solution’, Jaska quickly replies.

‘Also, another thing’, Jari adds while scratching his head. Now I look up. ‘Jaska doesn’t live alone in his apartment. Remember I told you about his brother? He lives there too.’

Marko, I think. I don’t know that guy. If he’s like Jaska, then that’s okay but still I need to see him to know if I can really trust the guy.

 ‘That’s me, my brother _and_ my boyfriend’, Jaska says it in a low voice, almost like he doesn’t want me to hear it.

 ‘C- can I meet them before moving to your p- place?’, I want to know. I want to be braver.

‘Of course! Of course! I actually arranged something so Marko could come over tomorrow. No, I don’t want  you to move in with me without knowing my roommates’, Jaska nods.

 ‘Jani, I’m sorry. I know this is a lot to process right now’, Jari takes my hand into his.

‘I- it’s okay. I think. I want to be braver. I want to change’, I whisper back as I rest my head against my friend’s shoulder.

 ‘I admire that. But you’re already different from the boy I met at the fence! Like, you aren’t that nervous anymore if Jaska is around’, Jari praises me and I manage to smile.

 ‘That’s right. You’ve grown a lot, Jani. Even though you’ve just had a fever, you look more healthy. Less pale and grey. You’re doing great!’, Jaska adds with a thumbs-up.

 ‘Still, I’m nervous for tomorrow’, I murmur.

‘That’s understandable. It will be okay. My brother is a great man and my partner is also a friendly person. They won’t hurt you’, Jaska tells me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for dragging it all out xD


	15. Brothers (Jaska)

After a long day at the Salminen manor, I return home. I’m just about to use my key but then my partner opens the door.

 ‘I thought you’d be back around this hour of the day’, the man snickers and greets me with a smooch on the cheek.

 ‘Markus, great to see you’, I exclaim. I walk pass him and go to our little kitchen. Markus closes the door and follows me. When I walk through the living room, I notice my brother slumped against the couch. He is heard snoring and a magazine about cars covers his face. I grin at the sight.

 ‘How long has he been sleeping?’, I ask my partner.

‘An hour. Don’t worry. He had a tiresome day, I guess. Mine was relaxing, though. What about you? How was your day?’, Markus wants to know.

 I yawn and smile at him: ‘Also exhausting. But I like my job. You know me and my brother will go to the manor tomorrow?’

 ‘Ah, yes!’, Markus understands, ‘How is that kid doing? He had a fever, right?’

I nod. ‘Indeed. He _had_. He’s over it, almost. Still needs to take some medicine but he will be fine. I was thinking, what if I invited you too tomorrow?’

 ‘Don’t you think it would be too much for him?’, Markus asks concerned.

I stroke my jaw and mutter something incomprehensible. Then I let out a frustrated sigh: ‘Maybe you’re right. Besides, I only told Jani I’d bring my brother. Do you have a free place in your schedule for next week? Then we can arrange that?’

 Markus takes out his phone and checks his calendar.

‘Tuesday afternoon goes for me. What about you?’

With a quick look on my own phone I reply: ‘Works for me.’

 

After I’ve cooked myself a quick meal, I sit down on the couch next to Marko. Markus sits on the opposite side in the chair.

 ‘That poor kid’, I huff after taking a bite from the steak.

‘Gosh. I really wonder what happened to him. Guess it’s actually clear from what you’ve told me, but still. I don’t actually want to believe it’, Markus grimaces and I nod. Same, I think.

 ‘The only thing we can do now, is support him and show him that adults can be “okay people” too. People you should normally be able to rely on.’

 ‘Hm? Wh- whazgoinon?’, Marko finally wakes up. The car magazine slides off his face and he almost falls off the couch when he notices me sitting next to him. Markus and I start to laugh.

 ‘Whoa! Jaska! You’re back! What time is it?’, my brother stammers as he crawls back up.

I grin: ‘It’s already a quarter past one. It has been a long day for me and for you too, I assume.’

 ‘Yeah, right. The boss scolded me because I wouldn’t stop singing’, Marko chuckles. His reply makes me roll my eyes.

 ‘You idiot. What if you get fired, huh? I know work at the factory isn’t that great but-’, I snort but get cut off midsentence by my brother.

 ‘That’s why I tried to lighten the mood. You know it’s very grey where I work!’

‘Anyway. You know you’ll pay a visit to the manor tomorrow’, I remind him and my brother huffs.

 ‘Yep. Gonna meet Jani, right? Should I bring your guitar with me too? Then I’ll sing and you play the guitar’, Marko suggests.

 Hm, I haven’t thought about that yet but it sounds like a brilliant idea.

‘Sounds good. Yes, I bet he’ll like that. I already told the boy you sing in your spare time’, I smile and pat my brother on the shoulder.

‘Hope you didn’t tell him I’m spectacular at singing or something or that kid will be very disappointed’, Marko chuckles.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

On our way to the mansion, my brother drives.

I sit next to him with my trustworthy guitar on my lap. It’s been awhile since I played it.

My hands brush over the strings and Marko notices the way I handle the instrument with utmost care.

 ‘Oh no, are you going to cry because you get all emotional after not having played that thing for two months?’, he teases and I snort in reply.

 ‘Shut up, Marko, and focus on the road.’

My older brother smirks and turns left. Then he makes quick eye contact and asks me: ‘So if I understand it correctly, I need to keep my distance? Don’t make direct eye contact and especially no touching. Not even a hand shake?’

 ‘That’s correct, yes. I’ll introduce you to him and when I give the signal you can come in’, I answer.

 

We meet with Jari in his room. The boy greets us and then we both give him a high-five.

‘Long time no see, Jari! My, is it just me or did you grow a little?’, Marko remarks. ‘Yep!’, the boy exclaims proud but his attention quickly gets distracted by my guitar.

 ‘Dear Lordy, you brought the instrument with you!’, Jari exclaims excited.

‘Yep. We might gonna play a number for you and your friend’, I wink. ‘By the way, how’s Jani doing?’

‘He’s up. I just played that game with him. He likes it!’, Jari replies.

 ‘What game?’, Marko wants to know.

‘Mensch ärgere Dich nicht. The game you suck at’, I joke. ‘Fuck-, I mean, go eat a shoe, Jaska!’, my brother snorts as he gives me a poke.

 ‘Hm, let’s not make my friend wait’, Jari mutters. He jumps off his bed and walks first and my brother and I simply follow.

I see Marko is nervous. ‘Don’t worry’, I say.

 ‘Phew, okay. Let’s do this.’

Jari opens the door and greets his friend. I wave at the other boy. Jani is putting the board game in the box and then notices my brother.

 ‘That’s Marko. Jaska’s brother. The one I told you about earlier?’, Jari starts. I see Jani gulp but he forces a smile on his face and even dares to wave his hand at Marko.

I give Marko a reassuring nod and then he waves back.

 ‘Yo. I’m the older brother.’

‘H- Hi, Marko. P- pleased to meet you. I’m, eh, Jani’, the boy stutters back. It makes me smile somehow. Jani sure has changed from the day I met him. I’m proud of him. He is trying his best.

 ‘Pleased to meet you, too, kiddo. Jaska told me about you. You’re a brave one’, Marko replies.

It makes the boy blush. ‘Th- thanks. Ah, yes! Jari told me you sing!’

Interesting, he’s taking the initiative here, I observe.

 ‘I do. Are you sure you wanna hear me sing?’, Marko jokes.

‘Don’t say things like you can’t sing. Your voice is amazing!’, Jari exclaims. ‘And Jaska even brought his guitar with him!’

 Jani shifts a little so he can see the guitar which rests behind my leg. To give him a better look, I pick the instrument up and show him.

 ‘Can I hold it?’, Jani wants to know and I shake my head. ‘Sure, there ya go’, I answer as I hand over my guitar.

 ‘Whoa, it’s a bit heavy’, the boy mutters. He then looks for my eyes and then he makes eye contact with Marko who still stands in the door opening.

 ‘Y- you can come in.’

Jani, you keep surprising me. Marko gives me a look as a final permission. After I show him a subtle nod, he steps closer. He stands at the end of the bed and nervously plucks his shirt.

 ‘What kind of stuff do you sing?’, I see a curiosity sparkle in the boy’s eyes.

‘Me? Well, rock mostly. I’ve done some country once too’, Marko laughs and goes through his hair.

 ‘You sing while Jaska plays the guitar?’, Jani wants to know.

‘Sometimes we play together yes. But since my brother is here most of the time and I’m at the factory, I sing alone’, Marko replies with a fake pout on his face. Jani then hands over the guitar to me. Jari now settles next to his friend.

Both of them are waiting for us to play something.

 I give Marko a look. ‘Whatcha gonna sing? I’ll adapt, don’t worry about that!’

‘Remember that one song?’, my brother guesses. I roll with my eyes and huff: ‘Yeah, “that song”. Very clear, Marko.’

He chuckles and replies: ‘I’m talking about Fragile.’ Oh, that one. Should be possible.

‘Hope I remember the chords.’

 ‘You kids ready?’, Marko wants to know and Jari and Jani simultaneously nod.

‘Then hit it, brother’, the singer exclaims. Gosh, Marko, always so dramatic I think.


	16. Music (Jani)

I don’t really know what to expect from the butler and his brother. Marko does indeed look like a friendly man. I think can trust him after I’ve seen him more. Jari sits next to me while the two brothers stand at the end of the bed.

I rest my head on Jari’s shoulder. I do that a lot lately. It feels nice to be actually close to someone.

When the butler starts to play, it somehow startles something in my mind.

It feels like a lump is getting formed in my throat. Suddenly, I get all emotional. Then Marko starts to sing and I feel like there’s a shockwave of different emotions going through my body all at once.

Jari was right. Marko’s voice, combined with Jaska’s guitar, does take me to a whole different place.

 I’m not in the bed anymore.

The eyes of my mind now picture a big field full of colorful flowers where the sun shines and warms my cold face. In the distance I see Jari with Jaska and Marko. Jari walks over to me and I run to him. He embraces me and I hold onto him.

 

‘J- Jani?’, Jari’s voice brings me back to the real world. The music has stopped and I blink with my eyes.

There’s something wet on my cheeks. Have I been crying?

My friend gives me a look. ‘Is everything okay?’

 ‘Yeah, yeah. I just. The music… it m- moves me’, I snivel and can’t hold back new tears.

After I’ve calmed down a little, Jaska decides to continue to play the guitar and Marko continues singing.

‘ _Now don't you worry. No need to be sorry. Time to step lightly_ ’, the man’s voice is now even softer than before and I feel cradled. Cradled in a love I cannot understand yet. How can I feel like this when I’ve never met Marko before? Why am I feeling all this now? How can the stranger’s words play with my emotions that much?

All in a surprisingly good way, though. I start to feel appease. While my eyes are closed, I feel Jari’s steady heartbeat and I feel his gentle and warm fingers wipe away some of my tears. The lump in my throat has disappeared and an invisible weight has fallen off my tired shoulders. Part of the wall around my heart has been broken.

 I’m sad when the song ends and the room is silent again. I try to find the words to describe my feelings but I don’t find them. But my face must have said it all.

 ‘Told you it would be quite the experience’, Jari grins.

‘Glad you seemed to enjoy it, Jani’, Marko now speaks up. I’m still light headed and then look up to stare in Marko’s blue eyes. They are soft, like his voice.

 ‘Y- you’re very talented. Just like your brother and, and-’, I stammer as I try to express myself.

‘And you are very courageous, kiddo and I believe in you. I mean it truly. Jaska has told me a lot about you. You’re a sweet kid’, Marko smiles.

 I make sure his words stay in my mind for a long time.


	17. Late night talk (Jari)

It’s already 11 PM when I sneak to Jani’s room. He is still awake. A smile appears on his face when he sees me.  ‘Yo, Jani’, I greet him and the other boy greets me back.

I slip underneath the blankets with him and we give each other a hug. I’m glad to feel Jani isn’t just thin skin and bones anymore. He’s still thin but he has been worse.

 ‘What are you doing up this late?’, Jani wants to know.

‘I could ask the same to you’, I reply with the raise of an eyebrow. ‘But I’m here to talk about tomorrow.’

 ‘Ah, yes. The other man is going to visit, isn’t he?’, Jani remembers. I want to know if he is okay and what he thinks about all of this.

 ‘I just want to know what’s going on in your mind right now. How do you feel about this?’, I out my concerns.

Jani now rests his head against his pillow and stares at the ceiling. He quickly glances over to me.

 ‘I, I don’t know. Part of me is still scared. But Marko was a good guy and I really want and try to believe your words’, my friend answers.

 ‘Okay. Good. And yes, Markus is a really friendly guy too. He is a great storyteller. He actually has written some books for kids and teenagers!’, I tell my friend.

 ‘Sounds cool’, Jani comments. ‘Ah, also. My reading goes a lot better since you gave me those new books!’

‘That’s great to hear, Jani! Tomorrow I should give you one of Markus’ books. It’s even signed’, I grin.

But then I change the subject back. ‘Jani, w- what do you think about living with them?’

 I see my friend gulp. ‘Worried. That I don’t see you again. And… and, will one of them be there the whole time? Or am I alone?’

I scratch my head and grunt. Most of the time, Jani spends his time alone here too but I try to visit him as much as I can of course. And then there’s Jaska, who makes sure our friend gets his daily meals.

 ‘Well, Marko works at the factory the whole day. Jaska, he almost lives here and Markus? Don’t know really. He’s freelancer so he probably will be in the house most of the time.’

 ‘I-, I’ll get used to it! I swear! I can change!’, Jani suddenly exclaims. Desperation is written all over his face and I try to calm him down.

 ‘Dear Lordy! Ehm, hey! Hey, Jani, look at me! It’s okay if you’re worried. I think I understand. Well, maybe not but at least I try to understand you. I’d be afraid too if I were to live by three strange men I hardly know. And just know that change always takes time. You can’t expect to just change in one day. It takes time. Also, don’t try to change too much. You’re good as you are, Jani.’

 ‘Th- thanks. But I want to be braver’, Jani mutters as he places his face against my shoulder.

‘I can’t accentuate this enough, can I? But you really have become braver already!’, I smile as I let my hand caress the other boy’s short hair.

‘Hm, you also know I probably won’t be there tomorrow when you get introduced to Jaska’s boyfriend?’

 ‘Yep but I can handle it. I hope.’

‘You’ll be alright. I believe in you’, I say. ‘But it’s okay if you’re afraid. It’s okay to be afraid.’

‘I know. I know’, Jani mutters. ‘But I feel like I’m becoming tired of being afraid all the time. I don’t want to run away anymore.’

 

After the conversation, we decide to play some more _Mensch ärgere Dich nicht_.

During the game, Jani suddenly declares: ‘So Markus is like Jaska’s real partner?’ His comment makes me look up. ‘Eh, yes? Why?’

Jani then shakes his head. ‘I was just thinking… What do you think about it? About that relationship? About two men being together?’

 ‘I think it’s okay. Like if it makes them happy, isn’t that the only thing that matters? And Jaska is my friend and I want him to be happy with whoever he wants. As long as he’s happy, that’s a good thing, right?’

Jani rolls with the dice. A four. Damn, he is getting closer to the finish than me.

 ‘Guess so. I still have bad memories about men being together. So, Jari, how is _their_ relationship?’, Jani quickly says. I don’t want to ask what kind of bad memories he has so I answer to his question: ‘They have loving relationship. They’re like best friends.’

 I can’t finish my sentence. ‘Like us?’, Jani wants to know immediately and then I nod.

‘Kind of. They do a lot of things together. They eat together, sleep in the same bed, do the groceries together. Stuff like that. Well, not always because Jaska has to work here. But on their days off, they do these things.’

 ‘Oh. Sounds okay. D- do you think I could have such relationship one day?’, Jani suddenly asks.

I’m surprised. I don’t want to give him false hope but I believe he can have such relationship one day.

My heart suddenly starts to beat faster. ‘Jani?’, I start carefully.

The other boy then meets my eyes. He has beautiful eyes, I think. I’m so glad to see some light in them again. In the beginning, they were almost a dull grey. But there’s finally life in them again.

 ‘So what do you think?’, Jani asks again. My face gets closer to Jani’s. He doesn’t flinch or pull back so I keep closing our distance. What am I doing?

 ‘I believe you can have a loving relationship one day’, I assure him. My words are hardly spoken and then my lips meet his. A quick kiss. No, more like a smooch on his mouth.

 Jani doesn’t move. He doesn’t blink. He looks frozen.

I retreat and am afraid I’ve done something wrong and forbidden. Maybe Jani will hate me now. Maybe he has lost his trust in me because I’ve touched him in a totally different way than just holding hands or hugging. Maybe-

 Another kiss. This time it’s _Jani_ who kisses me. Dear Lordy, this time it’s me who gets flabbergasted!

Jani then sits back and blushes. I bet I’m blushing like crazy too now. My heart is still beating wildly.

 ‘Thank you, Jari’, Jani is the one to break the awkward silence between us.

‘Oh, sure, I mean…’, I don’t know what to say. Jani gives me one of his warmest smiles.

 ‘Thank you for the kiss too. It’s my first real kiss’, the boy now declares.

I return the smile and say: ‘Glad to be your first. To be honest, it’s my first kiss too, y’know?’

Jani goes in for a hug and I roll with it. My hands rest on his back.

 ‘I really like you, Jari. You’re the first person I really cared for. And, the first p- person I ever-’, Jani doesn’t dare to finish his sentence. I gasp as I have a flashback to the time I washed Jani in my bathroom. Back then, he wanted to tell me something and now I have an idea what that might’ve been.

Instead of changing the subject or asking him to finish his sentence, I simply wait for Jani himself to say it out loud.

  We slowly part and face each other awkwardly.

 ‘I’, Jani begins anew, ‘I-, you’re the first person I love. I love you, Jari.’

He avoids my gaze. My heart hasn’t calmed down after I’ve initiated our very first kiss. There was a lot of doubts going on in my young mind. Like, what am I doing? Why did I suddenly have the urge to kiss my best friend? Aren’t we too young to kiss? Do we even realize what we are doing? Wouldn’t Jani be disgusted?

But all of that doesn’t matter now. What matters, is that Jani loves me and I actually love him back.

 ‘I think I love you too, Jani’, I whisper.

‘Really?’, Jani immediately exclaims. It makes the both of us look each other right in the eyes now.

 ‘Yes, I do. I mean, we’re best friends but I feel like there’s something more going on between us’, I manage to say without stuttering.

 My friend hugs me again. More firmly this time. So firmly, we both fall onto the mattress. The board and the pawns and the dice fall off the bed where they are forgotten.

Now Jani lays on top of me and we gaze in each other’s eyes. We don’t have to exchange words this time to understand each other.

 We simply know.


	18. Markus (Jani)

Finally Tuesday arrives. I’ve read in some books Jari gave me over time. I only see Jaska in the morning and at noon but I know he’ll return around 4 PM with his boyfriend.

I wonder how Markus will look like. Will he be as tall as the butler? What color are his eyes and hair? How old is he? Is he thirty-three like Jaska or is he older or perhaps younger? Guess I’ll have to wait.

In the meantime, I still think about yesterday and yesterday’s kiss. It happened so _naturally_. It wasn’t forced. It didn’t feel filthy. It wasn’t disgusting.

Like, Jari just kissed me. First, I didn’t know what to expect when he closed our distance. I didn’t mind it either. I always liked having Jari close to me. It makes me feel we’re really connected in some way.

When I felt his lips against mine for the first time, I was indeed flabbergasted. I simply froze. But I didn’t want him to leave me nor did I get startled. It felt _okay_.

So I wanted to thank him by kissing him back. And so I did and now Jari and I have some kind of new relationship, I guess. When I awoke this morning, I still couldn’t believe my friend actually _loved_ me.

I wonder if he is my boyfriend too now. I take a piece of paper and a pen in my hand. I write down the thoughts. Lately, I’m writing some of my thoughts and ideas down on small pieces of paper. It’s a way of easing my mind. It helps me clear my chaotic mind.

_Jari is my friend. He is in love with me and I am in love with him. Does that make us oficial boyfriends? Are we lovers?_

_Jaska is in love with Markus. Markus is in love with Jaska. They are partners. Markus is Jaska’s boyfriend. So if Jari is like Jaska, that makes me Jari’s boyfriend, right?_

I fold the paper in two and hide it under my pillow. Then I rest my head against it and groan. It’s difficult: all these new, slightly confusing but happy feelings and emotions.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

A sudden knock on my door, interrupts my reading. I look up and carefully shout: ‘Come on in?’

Then the door swings open and Jaska steps inside. Behind him is another man.

He is bald but he has a little black beard. He is tall too. Not as tall as Jaska, though. He smiles at me. The man has dark brown eyes.

Jaska looks happy. ‘Hey, Jani. This is Markus, my partner. Markus, this is Jani’, the butler introduces us to each other.

 ‘Hey, Jani’, Markus nods as he stands next to his partner.

‘Oh, hi, Markus’, I reply as I try to smile back. A silence follows. To break it, Jaska says: ‘Say, Markus, why don’t you tell something about yourself?’

 ‘Okay. I’m Markus, Jaska’s boyfriend. Although I don’t consider myself that young anymore. I’m an author. Most of the time, I work at home. I’m a part time designer too. Y’know, make designs for commercials and stuff.’

‘Whoa. What stories do you write? Jari s- said you write for kids and teens’, I comment.

Markus must not have expected my immediate question. I see it in his face.

 ‘Well, fantasy and adventure. Most of the stories are about young kids who get teleported to another magical dimension where they have to save that world. But I also write about more mundane things in life. As a writer, you can write about everything in fact. The sky is the limit, some say.’

 It sounds interesting and I can already imagine a fantasy world. A world where monsters get punished for their bad deeds and where all kids are safe and happy. Maybe I should become a writer too one day.

 ‘What about you, Jani? How are you holding up here?’, Markus tries and I decide to answer.

‘I read the books Jari gives me. I also try to study the things that are written in his school books. I help him with studying. Well, I try to. With those books, it never gets boring. Each day, I learn a lot.’

 ‘That’s great to hear! I always love it when I lose myself in a book’, Markus tells me.

‘Lose yourself?’, I ask confused.

 ‘Yes, I’ll explain. That moment when you’re so focused on the story and its characters, it’s almost like you’re pulled into the story and the real world just “disappears” and you feel like you’re inside the world of the book. Did you ever had that feeling?’

 ‘When Jaska and Marko make music together’, I almost reply immediately. It really felt like I was in a different world.

‘Hehe, yes indeed’, Markus then gives his partner a look. It’s a dreamy look and Jaska winks at him in response. I don’t know if I can ask this but I really want to know. So my curiosity gets the better of me.

 ‘How is your relationship?’

Jaska and Markus give each other a quick look. ‘I mean… I, eh, what do boyfriends actually do?’, I stammer. I feel stupid for asking. ‘No offense’, I quickly add.

 ‘Well’, Jaska starts to chuckle. ‘Normal stuff. But we do the normal stuff together. Like every couple does. But being partners also means there’s a lot of kissing involved.’

I start to blush as I think back to yesterday. So if Jari and I are boyfriends, then we should kiss more. I should take notes on that. I wouldn’t mind kissing my friend more often. It’s a pleasant feeling.

 ‘We hold hands together too’, Markus adds with a grin as he looks at his partner. Their hands entwine with each other and I’m genuinely happy for them.

 ‘Yes, we do’, Jaska replies and then rests his head against Markus’ shoulder. I’m glad to see they have a great relationship. They really seem to love each other.

I hope Jari and I can be like them too. ‘Why you asking if I may ask?’, Jaska remarks carefully. Could I tell him? Would Jari mind?

 ‘Well, I really like Jari. A- and he likes me too. So I just wanted to know what I should do now that we’re kind of boyfriends too’, I stammer, avoiding both men’s gazes. I hear Jaska laugh. Is he making fun of me?

 ‘Aw, that’s too adorable’, he then clears his throat and mutters: ‘I mean… anyway, I’m sure you’ll figure it out, kiddo. It’s not that special, though. Being in a romantic relationship.’

 I notice Jaska’s partner roll his eyes and comment: ‘Yeah. Like, it isn’t like we live together now and do things together as much as we can!’

 ‘Being in a relationship has its ups and downs of course. But don’t you worry about that now. You’re still young! Your relationship is still fresh! You’re not old and grumpy like us’, Jaska jokes.

Markus leans in to his partner and smooches his cheek. ‘Also, make sure to show your affection to your partner every now and then.’

  I try to keep that tip in my mind. Then I realize the fun thing about this whole conversation.

Here I am. With two _full grown men_ but I’m not afraid. They aren’t disgusted by me nor are they disgusting. They are a couple and I asked them about their relationship. And that simple question led to them giving me relationship advice. It seems so unreal to me, that I start to laugh out loud.

It’s an uncontrollable laughter. Tears roll down my cheeks and my tummy starts to hurt after some time.

 ‘Oy, kiddo, you alright?’, Jaska looks concerned. ‘I-, I’m fine. Just thought of something funny’, I explain after I’ve caught my breath. The couple smiles at me.

 

‘Say, Jani. What do you think about actually _living_ with us?’, Markus then wants to know.

‘Eh, it’s a bit strange. I’ll have to get used to it’, I admit. ‘B- but it’s a relief to know you and Marko are good people. You all seem so nice. I think I’ll like it at your place but I surely will miss Jari.’

Markus listens and nods. ‘That’s understandable. I’m truly sorry you can’t stay here with him. You seem to be a nice person too!’ The bald man hesitatingly steps closer. I let him.

 He holds up his hand.

‘High five?’, I guess. Markus grins and then I slap my hand against his.

‘I hope we can become friends’, Markus says.

‘Yep, me too!’, I smile.


	19. Song (Marko)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another narrator :D  
> Damn, this ruins da surprise :P

The weekend hasn’t even arrived yet and I’ve gotten the flu. I wonder if my boss is going to fire me after all that has happened the past few weeks now that I’ll probably be absent for the remaining three days. I hope I’ll be better after the weekend.

 I’m laying sick in my bed and Markus visits my room. He got me some tea and asks me if I want something else.

‘Nah, I’m fine. Thanks for the tea, Markus. You work at home today?’

‘No, sorry. I got some work at that design bureau’, he replies. ‘Hope you’ll be okay?’

‘Of course! I’m a grown man. Heck, I’m even older than you’, I snort. Jaska’s partner chuckles: ‘But old people sometimes need to be looked after too. I don’t mind taking care of you.’

 ‘Bye, Markus’, I say while rolling my eyes.

‘Hehe, still talkative even though you’re sick’, Markus huffs before leaving my room.

 

It’s noon when I try to get out of bed to make myself some lunch. My stomach cries for food despite me being sick. When I get up, I feel dizzy so I quickly lay down again. I grunt. I really want to eat. After I’ve closed my eyes, I notice how tired I’m actually am. Damn flu.

To distract myself, I try to sing a song but my throat quickly becomes hoarse, causing me to stop.

Annoyed I’m stare at the ceiling. I cough and almost jump out of bed when the phone rings.

 ‘Hello? This is Marko speaking’, I mutter after I’ve caught my breath from the painful cough.

‘I- is this Jaska’s home phone?’, the stammering voice of the kid is heard.

 ‘Jani?’, I exclaim surprised.

‘Yes, it’s me, Jani. Are you sick or something?’, the boy sounds worried.

 ‘Yeah, caught the flu. But don’t you worry about me. Is something wrong? Or did my younger brother do something stupid again? The older he gets, the stupider he becomes’, I joke. ‘Well, he probably inherited that from me’, I quickly add with a defeated sigh. I hear a small chuckle from the other side of the phone.

 ‘Nothing. I was just… a bit bored. Didn’t want to read. Jaska is busy and Jari is having school’, Jani explains.

I’m surprised he has the guts to call us. Very little brave guy, I think.

‘Oh, okay. Hehe, so… what do you want to talk about?’, I wonder. There’s a moment of silence on the other side.

 ‘Wh- what about music?’, the boy suggests. ‘Lovely idea’, I reply with a smirk on my lips.

‘How long do you sing?’, Jani wants to know. ‘Gosh, for a very long time, kiddo. When my mother gave birth to me, I didn’t cry. I _sang_.’ Now, Jani can’t contain his laughter.

 ‘You can’t be serious! Jari already told me your jokes were worse than Jaska’s!’

I giggle despite my throat being sore. ‘Oh, really? Guess he’s correct, though. But really, I sing for a long time now. Since I was little kid. I sang so much, my parents ears fell off. Figuratively, of course. Hey, Jani, that didn’t really happen, okay?!’, I want to make sure he knows I’m kidding. Then I add: ‘But singing? It’s my life, honestly.’

 ‘Why-, why don’t you try to earn money with it, then?’, Jani asks confused.

‘It’s not that easy, kiddo. Besides, I’m still a bit an illegal foreigner here. It’s thanks to Jari’s parents we get to stay here with some papers and stuff. It’s difficult adult stuff that even I don’t always understand’, I explain.

 ‘You don’t sound that strange. Like you barely have an accent!’, Jani remarks astonished.

‘A lot of people tell me that. Anyway, sometimes Jaska and I go out during the weekend. We’ll sing and play together on the streets to earn some money. It was in fact our first way of getting money when we arrived in this country’, I sigh as I think back at that old time when it was just me and my little brother. But things have changed for the better, though. I can’t complain how things turned out. Not at all.

 Then I start to cough heavily and Jani gives me some breathing space before continuing our conversation.

‘Y- you don’t mind me calling you?’, Jani hesitates.

‘No! No, not at all! But I was surprised at first. You, taking the initiative and such. But it’s a pleasant surprise’, I reply. ‘I’m afraid I’m getting tired because of my sickness. Still haven’t eaten either. I’m sorry.’ I hope the boy isn’t offended by me quitting the conversation like that.

 ‘Oh, it’s okay. Get well soon! You could take medicine for it! Like I did! And Jaska always gave me delicious soup when I got sick!’, Jani advises me and it makes me smile. He is such a sweet kid.

 ‘Thanks, Jani. I’ll keep that in mind. See you later!’

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

The rest of the week, Jani and I have more conversations on the phone.

I tell him funny anecdotes about me and my silly younger brother when we were younger. He lets me in on the silly shenanigans he had with Jari and Jaska. It warms my heart to hear him talk so excited  

 about the little things in life. But then again, it’s the little things that make the world.

I’m so glad for him he starts to enjoy life as it should be.

Each day we call each other, I try to sing him a song. Sometimes I’m able to sing the whole thing. Other times I only sing the chorus before my voice starts to crack, much to my dismay.

 

On the Friday, Jani recalls the first time we met and how he got touched by the music Jaska and I created.

‘I felt so serene’, Jani sighs.

‘I’m glad our music can give you those emotions. You know, kiddo, I always think music can be a way of coping with something. I always get inspired by everyday life and the people I meet and see on the streets. Sometimes I actually sing about myself or my loved ones. Sometimes I make songs because I feel sad and that way, I can express myself better’, I let him in on my train of thought.

 ‘You’re right! And your songs have given me also a way to express myself. To make myself understood and to understand my own feelings. You really create relatable songs!’, Jani expresses the joy he finds in my songs.

 

It’s quite late when I get a sudden phone call on the same day. Markus and Jaska are heard snoring in the other room.

‘Jani?’, I mutter, already sleepy myself.

When I don’t hear a reply, I ask louder. Then there’s a snivel. Alerted, I sit up but quickly have to lay down or I’ll get nauseous.

‘Oh gosh, Jani? Are you alright?’, I push away my own sickness and focus on the kid on the phone.

Another sob is heard on the other side of the line. I wish I could reach through the phone and hug the boy.

 ‘No. I-, I’m sad. And afraid. I h- had a nightmare abou- about the M- Monster. H- he was going t- to get me’, the boy cries. I don’t know what to say. I try to hush him, but he just keeps on crying. After a while, I hear him breath heavily.

 Finally he speaks up again.

‘M- Marko, c- could you sing me something? A goodnight lullaby?’, the boy whispers. It’s desperate  and his shaking voice breaks my heart.

 ‘Of course, Jani. Of course’, there’s one song that immediately pops up into my mind.

I decide to sing only the chorus, though. I used to sing it to Jaska too when we were little. Whenever Jaska was sad, frightened or simply couldn’t sleep, I sang it to him and now I sing it to little Jani.

 ‘ _Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in. Like waves of sweet fire, you’re safe within. Sleep, sweetie, let your floods come rushing in and carry you over to a new morning.’_

I keep repeating those lines until I hear Jani’s breathing become steadier. That’s a good sign. He is calming down.

Then I stop and whisper his name but the boy doesn’t reply anymore. I hold back a chuckle when I hear a snore on the other side of the phone so I decide to hang up.

Gosh, I’m getting really tired too now. Still one week to go and then the boy will come live with us. I’m actually looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is just a cool dude in this story! Jani is finallly getting the love and care he deserves, poor kiddo


	20. New home

The next week simply flies by. Markus actually has visited me once and told me a whole story. It was all improvised on the spot. It baffled me. His imagination is so rich.

Jari, Jaska, Marko and Markus. They all have become my role models.

When I grow up, I want to work hard like the brothers. I want to be a loving partner like Markus. I hope I still have that childish curiosity as Jari. As a job, I hope to be either a writer or a musician. Maybe even both.

I know those things are still far in the future but now that I live with Jari and his friends, I’m finally capable of dreaming and believing in silly, maybe even unreachable things. But it’s good I can dream again.

 

When the day of the departure arrives, I’m not as nervous or afraid as I used to be.

Jari and I have gathered some of his old clothes I can take with me. Jaska carries it to the car.

Outside it’s already dark and the moon is high up in the sky. It’s a very clear night and I can see the beautiful stars. Before I get into the car, I say my goodbye to Jari. I will surely miss him.

 I spot some tears in his eyes. That’s when I decide to hug him.

‘I’ll miss you, Jani’, he snivels. It makes me cry too. Our embrace is strong. Then Jari smooches my cheeks and I mirror his actions. Finally, we kiss each other on the lips. It’s a tender and yet firm kiss.

 ‘We’ll call each other’, I promise.

‘Pinky promise?’, he asks me while raising an eyebrow. I laugh out loud and promise it with my pinky.

 

The apartment where the three men live isn’t big but it sure looks cozy. After all, I never really roamed around the entire Salminen mansion. But now I am allowed to see every part of the place.

 ‘I’m actually surprised we still have a spare room left. Sorry if it’s smaller than the room you used to live’, Jaska apologizes.

 ‘It- it’s okay’, I mutter, realizing how tired I’m really am. The butler notices and asks: ‘You sure you still want a tour around the house?’

 His partner throws him a look: ‘Is that really necessary? What’s there to see? This isn’t a mansion. I don’t think he’ll get lost.’

 I search for Marko and find him on the couch. He is snoring loudly. When Jaska and my eyes meet, he rolls them and then chuckles. ‘Don’t mind my older brother. He always falls asleep on the darn couch. It has become his primary bed in fact. But let’s get you settled for the night.’

 Jaska goes on to show me my room. There’s a bed, one closet and a table stored in it.

‘Whoa, my very own room!’, I can’t contain my actual excitement.

The tall man grins. ‘Good night, Jani. I hope you’ll make yourself at home easily now. Try to ignore the snoring coming from my bro. And if you hear someone else snoring, it might be Markus. Or me. I’m sorry, we’re very noisy dudes all packed in a small apartment.’

 ‘I will’, I reply with a smile. Have I ever told Jaska how grateful I am for everything he has done for me so far?

 ‘W- wait, Jaska’, I stop him from leaving the room. He turns around and awaits my answer.

My answer is stepping closer to the tall man. I see him hesitate when I don’t say anything.

Then I really close our distance and put my arms awkwardly around him. My arms aren’t long enough, I think.

 ‘J- Jani?’, Jaska stutters. He is probably confused. I feel him tense up.

‘I’m, I’m just trying to hug you’, I mutter a bit embarrassed as I hide my face against his chest. There’s some vibration when the man chuckles and relaxes again.

 ‘Oh, okay. Hehe, I’m sorry’, Jaska carefully places a hand on my head and when I don’t act negatively to it, he pets me.

 While we stand there for quite some time, I comment: ‘You can h- hug me back, you know?’

Jaska looks me in the eyes and smiles. ‘Alright, kiddo. Alright!’

Then I feel his strong arms around me. It’s my first hug with an adult. And surprisingly, I feel myself melt into the embrace. I’m not repulsed. I’m not afraid. I don’t want to run away. In fact, I want to stay close to Jaska. Somehow it feels safe in his arms. He is so warm. He is like one of those big huggable teddy bears you see at a carnival. I think I finally understand why Jari once told me he likes to hug his butler that much.

 ‘Thank you for everything, Jaska’, I almost break down in tears.

‘You’re welcome, kiddo. You’ve enlightened our lives as well’, he tells me.

 

Once I’m in the bed and Jaska has left, Markus knocks on my door.

‘You still up?’, he says in a low voice. ‘Yeah. Thank you, guys, for letting me stay here’, I out my thanks.

‘That’s okay. It’s no big deal for us. I just hope you can make this your home too’, Markus replies. He now stands next to my bedside. ‘Guess I’ll wish you a good night now?’

 ‘You’re not going to sleep?’, I want to know.

‘Nah. I think I’ll watch some TV with Jaska and then I’ll go to bed eventually.’

There’s one question that remains in my head so I dare to ask it out loud: ‘Would you read me a bedtime story?’

Markus eyes widen in surprise at the request. Quickly I add: ‘I know I’m already twelve years old, b- but your stories a- are always so compelling!’

It makes Jaska’s partner chuckle. ‘Don’t worry. No one is too old to hear an amazing story from the great Markus! Hm, let’s see. It all started in a world that’s totally different from this place. You may ask, what is “it”? Well, I’ll get to that in a second. Let’s sketch that mysterious place first. It’s a small world where you have all types of different weather. Different weathers that almost happen next to each other Like, in the northern part of the city you’ll have burning temperatures. In the south you’ll freeze to death if you don’t wear enough layers of clothes. In fact, that world seems to be the very opposite of our world and…’


	21. Stories (Markus)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip the title, i don't know a better one xD

Jani lives with us for three weeks already. Life sure has changed but not for the worst. In fact, Jani really has brightened our lives.

Jaska and I have often discussed about having kids or not. I even know from my partner, that Marko in fact sometimes wishes to be a dad as well.

 

Most of my work hours are spent at home. At the moment I work on two books at the same time.

During the weekends I try to work on my designs for the commercial agency. I have a busy life still.

Now that Jani lives with us, I often want to know his point of view on the stories or art I create.

I notice how he likes to discuss those things with me. He really is a helpful boy. He seems to take joy in helping me in the whole house holding stuff.

 We do the dishes together. While I vacuum the house, he dusts the place with a duster.

In the afternoon he has phone calls with Jari.

I’m glad for Jani. People might think silly about his relationship with Jari but I think their relationship could last for a lifetime. There’s something special about their chemistry. Both youngsters show signs of being more adult than their actual age. Jani, of course, mostly.

 After all, we still don’t really know what happened to him in the past but I know he must’ve been through hell.

                            

I still remember how Jaska came home one day, almost breaking down in tears. First I thought he might’ve been fired but he wasn’t. No, Jari found an almost starved, beaten up, homeless kid at the other side of the fence. He felt powerless.

 ‘Can’t you take him home with you?’, I wanted to know but my partner shook his head.

‘The kid doesn’t seem to be very fond of strangers. Especially _adult male_ strangers.’

 ‘So he might be one of _those_ cases’, I muttered in reply.

 

Sometimes I try to get more out of Jani’s past. I guess through subtle questions.

My main method is getting more information through stories. I hope to deduct things from the fantasy stories he tells me sometimes.

The main pattern he mostly uses are young kids who fight monsters. Jumping to the conclusion that the monsters represent the adults that have hurt Jani in the past, might be too quickly. Yet, the monsters always seem to have locked up the heroes of the story in the _beginning_. So it isn’t the hero who goes out on adventure and comes across monsters. No, the _hero starts being locked up_ somewhere and then finds the strength to escape.

 I don’t really dare to ask if there’s a reason behind those stories.

To be honest, I want Jani to tell at least one of us what really happened to him. I really hope he will find the strength to tell one of us one day.

I swear, if I would ever find the people responsible for Jani’s pain, I’d kill them with my bare hands.


	22. No escape (Jani)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random shoutout for the person(s) leaving me kudo's lately! It's very appreciated :D  
> Here, have an angst filled chapter! I already apologize for this one

When I open my eyes, it’s like my heart stops beating for a second. I’m back in the beginning. Back where the hell started.

I’m in my small, cramped room with only one bed in it. I never lived in a big house to begin with, but I got the tiniest room available.

 ‘A kid like you doesn’t need much space’, my “Mother” would tell me if I’d questioned their choice. But in reality I knew it was the Monster’s choice to put me in that room.

 I look around a little bit more. Not that there’s much to see though. The dead plant in the little window is still there. Some of my clothes lay on the ground or hang over the end of my bed.

 When I remove my hands from underneath my blanket, I see I’m chained. My heart starts to beat faster. The Monster never needed chains to contain me so why am I shackled now?

For a long time I didn’t feel the urge to escape but now I do. Once more, and the feeling of it alone makes me sick and nauseous. I need to fight the tears that are coming.

 

‘Jani?’, the door opens and I expect Jari or Jaska or maybe even Marko or Markus to step inside.

But the voice belongs to a woman I once knew. “Mother”.

She looks worried but I know in reality, she isn’t. She strides forward and gives me a cold hug, totally ignoring the handcuffs around my wrists.

 ‘Oh gosh, Jani. We missed you so much. – and I were looking for you everywhere!’, she is close to tears but I see her eyes don’t speak the truth. Her voice doesn’t match with what she is saying and I don’t listen to the name of the Monster. She is lying. “Mother”, she is always lying.

 ‘Please look at me, Jani’, she cries. She firmly grabs me by the chin and I want to pull away but I don’t.

‘Your father. He has forgiven you from running away. We all have forgiven you’, she forces a smile on her meager and tired face.

 ‘Wh- where is Jari? Where’s Jaska? And Marko and Markus?’, I raise my voice, panicked. My eyes are locked with hers.

 The smile from a few seconds ago has now totally disappeared. Her lips now form a wry stripe.

‘You mean those losers? They left you to die, Jani. They are no “friends”. You don’t even have friends. Don’t think you could consider them your friends! Don’t let yourself be fooled! You were only an attraction for them. Rich fuckers don’t give a shit about us poor souls!’, she hisses and I gulp.

 I’m afraid.

Maybe she is right and-

_Don’t trust her. She only tries to manipulate you. Don’t listen to her! Everyone in the House just tries to blind you from the truth! They try to feed you lies!_

 

The voice in the back of my head is back. And this time, I really know I can trust that voice.

 ‘I don’t want to listen to you! You dragged me back here, didn’t you? When? How did it happen?!’, I suddenly snap back.

“Mother” steps back in surprise. She didn’t expect a retort from me. Of course not, I almost never go against the word of an adult. Bad things will happen if I do. During my time in the House I learned that the hard way.

 ‘You don’t have the right to question us! But yes, we brought you back here. And your so called friends? They even gave you to us again. Because they couldn’t care less if you’d stay by them or not!’, “Mother” snarls and I flinch.

I press my hands against my ears now and yell: ‘I don’t believe you! I don’t wanna hear you!’

The woman takes a few steps back, sighs and eventually declares: ‘Very well, then. I’ll have your father know you don’t believe us!’

 ‘No! No! Mother, I’m sorry!’, I beg her but she doesn’t listen. Like she always does. As I try to jump out of bed, I feel there are shackles around my ankles as well. My heart becomes smaller and I feel a heavy stone pressing on it, my lungs, my throat and soul.

The woman I once called “Mother” leaves the room and I’m left alone with an aching and frightened heart.

 

It feels like I’m waiting for hours. Waiting for the storm. Waiting for the storm to pass.

I hope it will spare me but I, of all people, should know that won’t happen. The storm has never left me unharmed.

So here I lay in my old bed: covered in sweat. I hardly dare to inhale the thick air around me. Did it really got thicker or is it just my anxiety taking control of my whole being?

Then I hear heavy footsteps on the creaking staircase. Subconsciously, I clamp onto my blankets.

Finally the door slams open and I shriek.

 ‘Don’t think you could hide forever!’, the Monster barks and I shut my eyes so I won’t have to see his ugly, rotten face.

 My hands find my ears once again. I feel him nearing me. I shake heavily with my head. I scream so it will be the only thing that’s heard.

‘You belong to us! You belong to _me_ and me only! No one else deserves you and no one even w _ants_ someone as filthy as you!’, he then slams his fist into my face.

I taste blood on my lips. I lower my eyes and see the red droplets fall onto the blanket.

 ‘B- but-’, I don’t even know where I find the courage to go against the Monster.

‘Did you just go _against_ me?!’, the madman roars. Uncontrollable tears roll down my cheek. My left cheek is painfully swollen.

 ‘J- Jari. H- He loves me f- for who I am’, I dare to stutter. Another hit follows.

‘Bet you didn’t tell him about the _real_ you, huh?’, the Monster now roars with laughter. ‘Do you really think that boy or anyone would still like you after they know what you’ve done?! After they know you’ve sucked more big, fat cocks than you’re old?!!’

 Every word he throws at me, cuts deep into my old wounds. They cut me open and I feel like a slaughtered lamb. The only thing I can do is cry and hope it will be all over soon.

 Maybe he is right. I never dared to tell about Jari that “side” of me. The sinful, dirty side. If I do, they will hate me forever. I’m sure of it and-

 

 _‘Look, Jani, I don’t know what exactly happened in your past, but I’m pretty sure there were some very bad people back then. And if they ever told you something bad, something like: you’re not worthy of love or you’re filthy or anything bad, don’t listen to them. Don’t let them talk you into that kind of bullshi-, I mean, bad stuff. Those kind of people are bad folks. They try to manipulate you. They try to make you feel guilty and ashamed. You shouldn’t feel both of those things because_ you _are the_ victim _. Never feel ashamed of who you are, Jani._ They _are the real bad guys here. Stay true to yourself and your heart. Your heart is always right!’_

This time it’s someone else’s voice in my head that gives me strength. It’s Marko’s voice.

Maybe it’s Marko, Jaska and Markus’ voice combined. Because all three men have told me similar things once.

 

My eyes are still closed. Every now and then I feel the Monster’s dirty paws beat my fragile body but I try to concentrate on something else. I always try to concentrate on something else when-

 Now my eyes gaze at the window. Sometimes, it was the only bit of sky I could see in days. Maybe I should’ve jumped out of it years ago. But then again, it’s too small to crawl through.

While my mind wanders off to more pleasant moments, I also try to listen to my heart. Marko once taught me how to do that.

 

_‘First, you have to calm your mind and body. It’s a bit like yoga and meditation’, Jaska’s brother explained to me._

_‘Close your eyes. Inhale. Exhale. Calmly, steadily. Good, like that. Now try to clear your mind as well. Don’t try to think about anything. Just concentrate on your breathing.’_

_‘I think I’m getting the hang of it’, I mutter back._ _I’m sure I can_ feel _Marko smile._

_‘Good. What does your heart tell you?’, Marko whispers._

_‘It… It tells me I’m happy here. You’re good people. People I deeply care for’, I reply. There’s no hesitation. There’s no doubt in my answer. My heart beats for them._

_‘That’s good to hear. I’m glad you’re happy here. It makes me feel the same way’, Marko says._

 

And now in this mess, this chaos, my heart tells me the Monster is lying. Just like “Mother”.

And my heart warns me for the poisonous thoughts the Monster tries to indoctrinate me with.

My heart is also crying as it wants to be with my friends. It yearns to be with them again.

My heart tells me my friends will still love me even if I tell them about the truth. So I trust in my heart.

Too bad I can’t escape from the Monster this time. He has locked me here forever. I can never see Jari or the others again. I can never tell them what happened in the House. I’m too late.

I want to die. I want to-

 

_Riing! Riing! Riing!_

 

The continuous sound of a phone makes me open my eyes. Since when did I have a phone in my old room?

But then I feel I’m in a familiar darkness. I’m in my own room. I’m in Marko, Jaska and Markus’ apartment. I’m _safe._

My heart is still beating loudly as I sit up. I reach for the phone on my nightstand. My hands are trembling. I’m pretty sure I can still feel the bruises of the shackles. I wonder who is calling us at this time of the night.

 ‘H- Hello?’, my voice shakes heavily. I expect the Monster to scream in my ear until it bleeds, but what I hear is no Monster, nor is it “Mother”.

 ‘Oh god, Jani! Are you okay?’, Jari’s voice. He can’t understand how happy I am to hear his sweet, lovable voice again. It feels like ages since I last heard him talk. I let my tears roll freely now.

I sob and I sob.

 Finally, I manage a smile on my face as I imagine my friend sitting next to me, rubbing his hand over my back to soothe me.

 Jari’s voice tries to calm me down now and it works. My breathing becomes steadier again and I try to focus only on him now.

 ‘Jani, shh. It’s okay, you’re okay. Could-, do you want to tell me what happened?’, Jari asks in a low voice.

I feel my heart beat faster again when I recall my horrible nightmare.

 ‘I- it was a nightmare, Jari. A horrible one. I was in the House a- again. A- and the Monster w- was there t- too’, I stutter, catching my breath.

 ‘I’m sorry to hear that. Wished I could come over to you now. Eh, if you need comfort, try to wake up Jaska or the others?’, Jari now suggests me.

 ‘B- but I don’t wanna disturb them’, I counter.

‘They’ll understand, really’, Jari promises.

‘Wh- why did you call us?’, I want to know, trying to change the subject also. There’s a moment of silence on the other side of the phone.

 ‘I couldn’t sleep either. Not because of nightmares, though. Anyway, that doesn’t really matter anymore. Maybe I could _sense_ something was not right and that’s why I woke up’, Jari finally answers.

 ‘Oh, okay. B- but you’re right. I’ll see if the others are awake’, I whisper back.

‘Good! You should definitely do that. Oh, I’m so sorry I can’t help you more now. I hope we can see each other this weekend, though!’

 ‘Okay. Good night, Jari. I love you’, I mutter back. 'Love you too, Jani. With all my heart.' Just before he wants to hang up, I quickly add: ‘Wait! There’s, eh something I need to tell you.’

 ‘I’m listening’, comes Jari’s reply.

‘I, how should I put this? Well… You know what, I’ll tell you when I see you again’, I speak softly.

‘Okay, I guess? Are you sure it can wait, though? I’m not sure if this weekend is available.’

‘Nah. I’m not ready yet but when we see each other again, I’m sure I’m ready’, I say but my words are doubtful.

 ‘Please, take care of yourself, Jani. Sleep well. I hope you’ll have good dreams this time around!’, Jari says and I can feel the smile in it.

 ‘You too, Jari. Have sweet dreams and goodnight!’, I say.

 

After our late night call, I crawl out of my bed. I’m still trembling all over when I walk through the darkness. As usual, Marko is laying on the couch instead of his normal bed. He is snoring loudly and it makes me chuckle slightly.

I sneak to Jaska and Markus’ room. There’s snoring heard on the other side of the door.

When I open the door, it creaks painfully loud. Jaska and his partner seem to sleep peacefully. I don’t really want to wake them up but Jari told me they’d understand. And if I’m honest with myself, they will indeed understand.

 I wonder how I can approach them. Can I just sneak between them. Do I need to shake them so they’ll wake up?

I awkwardly stand next to Jaska. He grumbles something in his sleep. Then I hesitatingly bring my hand to his hair. He shifts a little and finally opens his eyes.

 ‘Huh, Jani? I- Is that you?’, he asks confused.

I nod but wonder if his eyes are used to the dark already. The tall man crawls up, swings his legs over the bed and sits up as he faces me.

 ‘Can’t sleep?’, he guesses and I simply nod. Once again, I feel some tears coming up. Jaska notices and draws me in for a hug.

 ‘Nightmares’, I manage to gasp. Jaska carefully pats me on my back and muses: ‘Wanna stay with us for the night?’

I nod once more. Then the man tilts me up like I’m nothing and lays me down next to him and Markus.

It startles his partner and he wakes up.

 ‘Hey, who do we have here? Jani? Everything okay?’, he murmurs.

‘Poor kid had a nightmare’, Jaska explains for me. Markus gives me a hug too now.

‘It’s okay, Jani. Everyone has their demons they need to fight in their nightmares. And if you lose to them, that’s okay too. We’re only human after all. If you ever have a nightmare again, don’t be afraid to come here’, Markus reassures me.

 When both men close their distance between them and me, I don’t mind. In fact, it feels much safer here than in my own room. I truly am cradled in love, I suddenly think.

 ‘Sleep well, Jani. May your next dreams be filled with joy and delight’, Markus hums.

‘Markus is right. I hope you’ll have nice dreams. Hopefully you’ll get some good rest now’, Jaska adds.

 ‘Thank you, guys. You have a good night too’, I mumble.

Finally I fall asleep and there are no nightmares haunting  me anymore that night. I have a dreamless sleep and by the time I wake up, I feel kind of relieved. The morning sun greets me and there’s an extra surprise for me: breakfast on bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry ><  
> This one was very difficult for me (mentally) to write! Especially because of that horrible line the Monster yells at poor Jani. I was really hesitatin whether or not I should put the sentence in here or not. Eventually I did, because that way it stays in character with the Monster and that way it also pushes the story furter(believe it or not)  
> Just to be clear, i really mean no harm to the real people!


	23. Time to talk (Jani)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lazy chapter with a lazy title. Sorry

The rest of the week seems to go incredibly slow. The nightmare has had more impact on me than I dared to think. Sometimes I feel like I’m hallucinating or I’m just being very paranoia. It’s like when I was still “living” on the streets.

I see the Monster behind the door of my bedroom. He stands in the small kitchen when I’m alone. Sometimes I feel like he’s watching me from the window. And if it isn’t the Monster, I can hear “Mother” shout filthy slurs at me. She accuses me, mocks me.

To stay away from them, I try to be in Markus’ company as much as possible.

And Markus, of course, notices my altered behavior. He also notices when I ‘space out’ or suddenly go pale. He then takes me into his arms and gently cradles me till I’m back to my senses and till I’m calm.

 

The fact that I really want to make the confession in the weekend, doesn’t help my nervousness either.

When Markus, Marko or Jaska for that matter ask me about it, I tell them I want to tell them a part of my Truth when Jari’s there too.

Marko has patted me on the shoulder and told me he’s very proud of me.

Indirectly it gives me more motivation to _really_ confess. Everyone is now expecting an answer of me.

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

Jari gets driven to the apartment by Jaska. He has a bag with him because he will be staying overnight. From what I’ve heard, it took my friend quite some debating with his parents to convince them.

It’s only a few times in the year, Jari is allowed to stay a night at Marko, Jaska and Markus’ apartment.

 As soon as Jari enters the living room, I run to him and almost jump into his arms.

We share a long hug.

‘I missed you’, I whisper. Jari chuckles and tightens our embrace. ‘Missed you too.’

Then we part and Jari searches my eyes. He gives me that warm smile of his and it lightens the weight on my heart.

 ‘Hey now, don’t cry, please.’

‘A- am I crying?’, I wonder out loud. When Jari carefully brushes his thumbs underneath my eyes, I actually remark the tears.

We retreat to my room where Jari can drop his bag. ‘Would you mind sharing a bed with me?’, I ask hesitatingly.

Jari laughs out loud: ‘Is that even a question? We never did that before. And now since we’re boyfriends, isn’t that the only option?’

 ‘Well, normally you sleep in a much larger bed’, I argue but my friend shakes his head.

‘Nah, I like it. A smaller bed feels more cozier. Besides, I get to share it with the handsomest person in the world!’

It makes me blush;

 

The day is spent relatively relaxed but the fact that I still haven’t told them yet, still troubles my mind. I wonder when the right moment is because I don’t want to ruin the mood.

It’s during dinner that Jari mentions the elephant in the room. It gets real quiet because of it. My eyes concentrate on the plate in front of me.

 ‘Y- you don’t have to tell, if you don’t feel like it. I’m sorry for mentioning it’, Jari crawls back but I’m quickly to shake my head.

 ‘It’s okay. I, eh… I’ll tell you soon enough. I want so myself. But I find it difficult t- to talk about my past. What happened, y’know?’, I stutter.

When I look up, everyone has their eyes on their plates. No one seems to know what to say to that.

Then Jaska carefully speaks up: ‘Take your time finding the right words. And whatever it will be, just know we still love you. You don’t have to be afraid.’

 ‘You know, you could also write the words down if that’s easier for you’, Markus suggests. I nod.

Marko chuckles: ‘Hehe. I was just going to say the same thing!’

There the silence is again. I leave the table. ‘I-, I’ll write some words down now’, I explain my early withdrawal. After I’ve turned my back, I hear Jari stand up but Jaska stops him.

 ‘Give him some time now.’

 

I sit behind the desktop. Thanks to Jari and Markus my writing has improved. I place a piece of paper in front of me. I fumble clumsily with my pen as I try to form the right sentences.

Quickly it becomes clear to me I can’t write it as easily as I thought it would be. My mind just gets clouded. There’s a storm raging inside my head. I clench onto the pen and bite lip until I taste blood. Some tears form in the corners of my eyes. I can hear my heart beat louder and louder.

  Suddenly I feel some pressure on my shoulders. I quickly turn around.

There’s no one in the room but myself. If I close my eyes, I can hear my friends talk in the small kitchen.

My mind returns to writing my story down. How can I put it, I wonder.

It hurts to think about the House, the Monster, “Mother” and the Accident. How can I ever tell them what happened to me? How can I write about all the dirty shit I’ve done? Restlessly I jump out of my chair and start to pace up and down my room.

 Then I decide to write down at least some keywords and a few separate sentences.

With trembling hands I step outside my room and walk towards the kitchen. I’m surprised I haven’t fainted yet. The reassuring smiles and nods of my friends are able to calm me down, just a little.


	24. He needs a serious hug right now (Jari)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally we're getting there

We’re still sitting in the kitchen when Jani returns. He tries to talk but he is mentally not capable.

He struggles with the simplest sentences and it just hurts me to see him like that.

 ‘You got that paper, right?’, I silently speak. He nods. ‘Can we… read it? If that works for you?’ Again, Jani nods.

After I receive the paper he whispers: ‘I-, I’ll just leave now. I think it’s better for everyone.’

Before any of us can say something, Jani retreats to his room.

Now it’s time to read the notes he made.

 ‘Mind if we read with you?’, Jaska asks as he stands behind me.

‘Sure’, I mumble, already trying to decipher the tricky handwriting.  

 

x---------x-x-----------x---------------x---x--------------xx------------x-x------------------xx-----------------x

 

I go sit down on the couch and aimlessly stare.

I don’t know what to think of it all. I can hardly understand why anyone would do so much harm to someone as friendly as Jani.

Jani has proved me real monsters do exist. Monsters disguised in human skin.

There’s a heavy sadness hanging over me. It’s almost like I can feel the emotions  Jani has been through.

 There are some uncontrollable tears rolling down my cheeks.

Then I remark Jaska approaching and sitting next to me. He brushes my tears away.

‘I’m sorry you had to read that, kiddo’, Jaska whispers.

‘Th- they… what did he do wrong t- to deserve this?’, I snivel.

‘He did _nothing_ wrong. His parents are just monsters. Like he described them’, Jaska strokes through my hair in a soothing way.

In the kitchen, I hear Markus curse, not ashamed to hide his anger. Marko, in the meantime, is walking in circles. His hands rub his temple and he groans from time to time.

  ‘I want to go to him now. He seriously needs a hug right now’, I mutter.

After some hesitation, I knock on Jani’s door. After a silent ‘Come on in’, I open the door.


	25. Anger (Markus)

I can’t believe I’m reading this with my very own eyes.

The language isn’t that explicit, yet it makes me want to puke.  

 My hands are clenched into fists. I hiss through my teeth: ‘If I ever get my hands on those bastards!’

I try to calm down and go to the living room where I sit down.

A deep groan comes out of my throat: ‘Oh well, at least I don’t have to kill the main bastard responsible for it.’

In the couch opposite of me, I see Jari look at me.

 ‘I- is he a criminal now?’ comes his soft voice.

My eyes find Jari’s and I give a reassuring shake with my head.

 ‘No. we can’t blame him for what has happened. If I were in his situation, I would’ve snapped too. I think it was only a matter of time for that to happen’, I say.

 ‘Oh, okay. That’s good because I don’t want Jani to end up in jail’, Jari mutters.

‘If there is someone who needs to go to jail, it is his “mother” and all those other filthy dirt bags’, suddenly Marko speaks up as he joins us in the living room.

 ‘Exactly’, I huff.


	26. Worried (Marko)

I blink a few times while reading the note.

‘Gosh’, is the only thing I can say. This kid, he has seen too much. He has suffered so much.

It makes my heart cry out. I step back and start to nervously walk in circles. My fingers rub my temple.

I’m really worried. I wonder how Jani is feeling right now.

It must’ve been tough for him: to write his bad memories again. It must be like reliving all those horrible moments once more.

Now I remember Markus telling us Jani has been paranoia the last few days because of the nightmare he had. Now it’s one hundred percent understandable for me.

 Luckily for Jani, the Monster can’t come after him anymore.

 

Anyway, when he comes back to the living room I want to give him all the support he needs.

I want to tell him everything will be fine and that he doesn’t have to be afraid or ashamed.

I’m sure the others will think the same. Jari is comforting him in the room.

We give them some space and we also take that opportunity to talk to each other about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not so happy how this chap turned out, but oh well xD  
> also, i don't know a better title xD


	27. No more secrets (Jaska)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!

He killed him. Jani killed the Monster, his _father_. Not that the man was worthy of that title, though.

I must say, I already suspected what had happened to the boy regarding the physical and sexual abuse. Still, reading about it, makes my stomach twist.

Like, if one monster wasn’t enough, there were multiple monsters in Jani’s horror story!

 

Of course I’m glad Jani got rid of the Monster but that act must’ve left a huge impact on the boy as well. That poor kid.

He probably has tried to suppress that memory. Thus having that paranoia feeling. But then again, everything that has happened to him makes for a good reason to have PTSD with hallucinations and the likings.

 

I can hardly believe Jani has been carrying this secret with him for so long.

How could he bear it? But I’m oh so glad for Jani he found the strength to tell us.  I really hope another weight has gotten off his shoulders by telling us.

It seems like my respect for the boy keeps growing with the day.                                       

Jani, he is such a strong boy. He has grown a lot in the short period he is with us. He has learnt to hope, dream, love and trust again.

 I only want the best for him.

If that means keeping his secret our secret as well, then so be it. I don’t mind at all and I doubt the others think otherwise.


	28. Blood flowers (Jani)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic content!

I’m sitting on the bathroom floor. The tiles are cold but so is my fragile body.

I’m shivering and my hands are trembling. They can hardly hold the handheld mirror steady. I look into it and see the reflection of a boy.

 

He is around my age but he looks older and at the same time younger than me. Dark bags are under the boy’s eyes. He has a bruised cheek too. It was when the Monster beat him previous night, when the boy didn’t want to take the pills that would actually calm him down. It would’ve numbed him too, make him partly forget. But the boy was foolish enough to resist.

 ‘Look what you’ve done, you fucker!’, I shout at my reflection.

The boy in the mirror gives me an angered expression in return and I just can’t take it. Frustrated I smash the mirror onto the floor. There are glass splinters all over the place now.

A flood of anxiety goes over me when I realize “Mother” doesn’t like it when I make a mess of things.

 I’m quickly on my knees again and start gathering the pieces in a hurry. In the process I cut my fingers. Droplets of blood color the pale tiles.

I can see a foolish, dirty boy reflected in the different broken pieces. I hate that boy so instead I stare at the blood flowers.

They actually look quite nice and beautiful. Beauty in pain, I think endeared. I wonder how the floor would look like, were it to be entirely red. Red of my own making.

 

I hardly dare to breathe when I take a bigger piece of broken glass in my hand. When I squeeze, I see some new blood flow out of my hand.

Yet it doesn’t hurt me as much as the Monster or his “friends”. No one can hurt me as much as them.

I want to cry, but there are no tears. I wonder if I’ve shed all my tears already.

But then there is this sudden hesitation, like I don’t really want to cut myself. I shudder at the actual thought now. It must be my primal instinct of staying alive no matter what.

With unsteady legs, I crawl back up to my feet. Now I’m facing the big mirror on the wall. I put the sharp piece against my throat after all. I gulp.

 

‘Jani! What the fuck are you doing there?!’, the voice of the Monster snaps me out of my mind.

In shock, I let the glass slip out of my hand.

The Monster’s shadow alone is threatening and intimidating enough for me to almost collapse to the ground. My heart starts to beat faster. When I look at the madman in front of me, I notice the beer bottles in his hands.

He is drunk and looks unsteady. I know that’s the sign I should hide. But now I cannot. He is standing in my way and there’s nothing I can do about it.

 ‘Come with me now!’, the Monster barks in my face but I remain on the ground.

‘Now! We’re going to play a little game as always whether you like it or not!’, he growls.

 

_No! Not again! Not anymore! Never again! You cannot tolerate this!_

 

The little voice in my head speaks its mind and I know the voice is right because it is my _own, real_ voice.

It’s _not_ the altered voice of the Monster. It’s _not_ the altered voice of “Mother”. It’s _not_ the lying voice of the blue cocksuckers who didn’t believe me.

It’s my _own_.

 

Slowly I start to rise. Without making it visible, I pick up the fallen piece of glass. I keep it hidden in my fist. My eyes are locked with the floor.

There’s a strange serenity going on in my otherwise troubled mind. It’s almost like I’m not entirely _here_. Yet, this feeling is different from the times I black out.

Now I examine the blood droplets and the shattered pieces. It looks too beautiful for a house this ugly.

 

 _Maybe you_ can _make the whole floor red after all!_

 

Then the Monster tries to grab me, like he always does. This time, though, I’m faster. His reaction time is slower because of the alcohol which gives me some sort of advantage.

And I, myself, am in some sort of slow-motion state.

Without thinking twice, I jam the sharp glass into the Monster’s fat arm. First he looks surprised.

 Then his hungry, bloodshot eyes look enraged at me.

I feel his hate and forbidden hunger try to burn me. This time, it doesn’t get to me because I had enough.

 ‘You little cunt!’, the Monster screams. More he cannot say because I launch myself onto him with another piece of glass.

The Monster falls onto the ground. I hear the creaking sound of glass getting smashed by his bulky body.

Before he can protect himself, the glass sinks deep into his plump neck. Blood spurts out of the fresh wound. It covers part of my face. Yet, it isn’t the most disgusting thing that has “graced” my face, I  

 think bitterly.

I lose no time in taking another piece of glass and stab him again.

 

Two “knives” gets stuck in the filthy cheek I always had to kiss and lick.

One piece gets rammed into his mouth. That perverted mouth that always shouted painful slurs at me. The mouth that was everywhere where I didn’t want it to be.

 

‘This one is for all the beatings!’, I yell.

‘Here is for the bullying!’, I scream.

‘And that is for all the times you’ve touched me!’, I cry.

 ‘This is for the other monsters whom you allowed to fuck me! There! There!’, my hand keeps going up and down with the sharp piece of glass, making sure I never miss my target.

 

After the massacre, I finally notice “Mother” standing in the door opening. She doesn’t say anything.

  I look at her coldly.

Then reality hits me. I killed him. I killed the Monster. And now there is no going back. I need to flee.

So I start running. I’m running and running. I wonder if I’ll ever stop running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, filler ?


	29. Everything is alright (Jani)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're almost nearing the end of the story!

My back is to the door when it gets opened by my friend.

I’m ashamed and afraid. I wonder what his reaction will be. Will he hate me? Will he think I’m disgusting?

Actually I shouldn’t worry, but I still do.

 ‘Jani’, I hear Jari saying my name. It makes me want to look up and face him, to see those warm eyes stare into mine but I’m so ashamed. I don’t think I can handle his gaze.

 Instead, I keep my back to him. I don’t dare to face him. My head is forming all the different scenarios and none of them are positive.

 

Jari, he will definitely hate me. The self-doubt and the harsh little voice is back again. I just can’t seem to push them away and-

 

Suddenly the dark thoughts simply get ripped out of my mind. Instead, a warm glow fills my head and whole body.

It takes away the weights. It drives away the darkness. And this time the warmth is here to stay.

It’s only then that I realize Jari has swung his arms around me. He is embracing, _hugging_ me.

I feel his soft hair against the back of my head. He squeezes me, pulling me closer to him. The strong gesture, that says more than a thousand words, takes my breath away.

 ‘Jani’, Jari snivels. My shirt is getting a bit wet by his tears.

That’s when I finally dare to turn around and face my friend. He is crying uncontrollably.

So I decide to hug him back with an equal force.

 ‘Y- you don’t have to say anything’, I whisper. Jari slightly chuckles in response.

 

It’s true, though. Jari doesn’t have to say anything for me to understand everything.

Jari, he still loves me after everything that has happened. After everything he had to read.

He didn’t have to say it. His whole body language screams it for him.

His heart _speaks_ to mine and in the silence we then share, it says: ‘Everything is alright, Jani. Everything is alright and I’m with you and I still love you so much. I love you so much, my words simply fail me.’


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter >< no, i don't want it to end, really

There are some soft looking clouds hanging in the air. The sun paints the sky a bright yellow.

 

‘Dad, I can’t believe you’re here. And mother she’s here too!’, Jari outs his joy.

His father chuckles and says: ‘After everything that has happened you’re still our son. And your mother insisted she didn’t want to miss this moment. Yes, we should’ve been more tolerable and for that, I want to say we’re sorry.’

 ‘It’s okay, dad’, Jari smiles.

Father and son then give a brief hug before Jari has to go.

 

Meanwhile, Jani gets his bowtie done by Jaska.

‘You’re going to look great. You already do if I say so myself’, Jaska grins. Markus, who is standing next to his partner gives the younger man a confirming nod.

Jani looks tense and nervous. Suddenly Jaska’s brother sneaks up behind him and laughs to announce his presence. It startles Jani for a sec. Then Marko puts his hands on the younger man’s shoulders.

 ‘You can do this. It’s your time to shine, kiddo!’

Jani gives Marko a meaningful look and snorts: ‘Stop calling me kiddo!’

 Marko lowers his head and shakes it and then faces the other man again: ‘You’re right. You’ve become a beautiful man, Jani!’

He then gives Jani a reassuring pat on the shoulder before he walks with him to the altar.

Marko slightly squeezes Jani’s right hand with his own. The other hand is occupied with wiping away some manly tears.

Jaska, who sits in the front row now, notices it. He rolls his eyes and faces his partner and whispers to him: ‘I knew this would happen! He must feel like a proud mom, right now!’

Markus chuckles in reply and adds: ‘What about you? Don’t you feel proud of the boy?’

 ‘I sure do, Markus.  I sure do’, Jaska snickers before facing the altar again.

 

Jari is already standing at the altar when Jani arrives. Both men are smiling brightly. They can hardly believe this is actually happening.

 

First, the young couple gives a welcoming speech and they thank the people who are present.

Secondly, they share some words on love with the audience.

Then it’s time for a little poem.

‘Now this is a little poem I’ve written for you, Jari’, Jani starts. ‘I’m not always great with words, but I got some help from my friend, the writer, here.’ He gestures at Markus.

 ‘So thank you, Markus!’

The people clap and then Jani starts to read _All the Way/4u_ out loud. Some tears are shed when he’s done.

When the wonderful poem is finished, Jaska and Marko stand up. Jari announces they made a song for this special day and that they will play it now before the vows are made.

The song leaves the whole crowd speechless. During the whole song, Jari and Jani stand next to each other, holding their hands connected. Jari rests his head against Jani’s shoulder since he has become taller than him.

 

Finally the time has come for the actual vows.

 

The two men now stand opposite of each other.

‘Hereby declare I, Jari Salminen, that Jani Saarinen doesn’t have to worry anymore for I will look after him and I will love him forever’, Jari smiles and places one hand over his heart.

Jani smiles back and does the same. Then he recites his part: ‘And hereby declare I, Jani Saarinen, that I will look after Jari Salminen. I will protect him with my life. And I too, love him forever. That’s a promise.’

Jari now raises an eyebrow: ‘Pinky promise?’

 ‘Pinky promise’, Jani grins.

They now rests their heads against each other as they hook their pinkies into each other. Just like the old times.

 ‘The groom now may kiss the, eh, groom’, the mayor announces.

People clap when Jani and Jari share a sweet kiss and give each other the ring to confirm their marriage.

 

x---         ----x-x-----------x                                                                        xx-------    -x-x-                             ------xx-       

 

_Dear Diary,_

_It has been quite some time since I needed to write here._

_Maybe it’s because my life has changed so much. And for the best!_

_It’s just that my life has been hectic the last few months. Jari and I are happily married and we wanted to live in our_ own _house._

_So we started to build one ourselves. This decision happened much earlier than our wedding plans, though._

_Everyone has helped us: Jaska and Markus, Marko and some of his co-workers of the factory, new friends… Even Jari’s parents have come to lend us a hand!_

_Now we have finally moved in! One week before our wedding, we could move in!_

_I’m sorry to say this, but I’m afraid this will be the last time I write here._

_I guess this is some kind of goodbye? Thank you so much for helping me cope with everything I’ve been through._

_Simply writing the things down, have helped me a lot, I must say! And even though you’re an inanimate object, I feel like you’ve been listening to me this whole time._

_Don’t worry about me, dear Diary, I will make it! I’ve always survived some way or another. Good thing is, this time it’s not surviving anymore. No, now I can live my life to the fullest with my wonderful partner._

_Love, Jani_

_PS: I still can’t believe uncle Marko got in a relationship with that local baker! You know, the handsome blondie who has made that delicious cake for our wedding! Gotta say: Marko sure has a good taste! (pun intended_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that's the end of Strangers like me!
> 
> I hope everyone has enjoyed the long drive because i sure enjoyed it :D  
> Many fluffy moments, many angst and sadness too but in the end we got the happy ending as I promised!
> 
> Part of me wanted to write maybe one or two little chapters before this one, but I think that would only be filler and maybe not interesting enough :P  
> I want to thank everybody who joined me on this adventure that was Strangers!  
> Thanks for the kudo's and your patience to read this long af story :D


End file.
